Going Home

Disclaimer:

I have to remind myself that this is journal about the Brown family and not another blog about another deployment.  For the record, I have taken a selfie a day since I arrived in Texas. I called it "SOTD" for "Selfie of the Day" and hung it on Instagram and Facebook to chronicle my time in Kuwait, Camp Arifjan, and my travels.  It was a simple and fun way to show everyone back home what life is like during a deployment.  I tried to not write too much about that on this journal unless it related to Lisa, Sam, TJ, Grant or life back home. 

Nonetheless...

Today is my last day in Kuwait.  The last of laundry is in the washer.  I am 99% packed.  I am counting down the hours until I head to the airport.  I am looking forward to going home.

Reunions are weird.  While Lisa and I have been partners over the last seven months, she has been mommy, dad, consoler, disciplinarian, and at the front of the family.  In a week I will insert myself back into that dynamic.  You can't just pick up where you left off back in December.  

This is not the first time we have been here.  In 2009, I returned home to toddler (TJ), a teenage daughter, and a frazzled spouse.  Lisa had the worst of it; losing our daughter, losing her job, being adrift without me there to help. My son didn't know what to do with me who was in the house and was confused at my parenting skills. In fact it took us the better part of a year to really connect.  Samantha was just entering that gawd-awful phase of puberty but still had some childhood charm to her. I think it took time for all of us to readjust to one another.

Those memories stir anxiety.  I am so happy to be going home but I am worried about fitting back in.  The good news to mitigate my feelings is that I have seen the family twice over the last seven months - once in April when I was in Ft. Leavenworth, KS, and in June when I was in Carlisle, PA.  Plus, with FaceTime and phone calls I don't feel like a stranger to the kids or to Lisa. Everyone is excited for me to be coming home.  I can hear it in their voices and how they interact with me over iPads.

We have a lot planned over the next few weeks; movies, Nerf wars, Camp, road trips, and parties.  In that time we will all figure out what it means to be "home". 

It is funny, I haven't thought about my home for a while - the physicality of it.  I mean that I just haven't pictured myself in it - walking the floors, climbing the stairs, listening to the sounds of people, pets, and life.  I haven't thought about it until a few days ago.  Now I can picture myself sitting on the back porch around sunset, beer in hand, music playing - Lisa by my side.    

I have no illusions on perfection or that everything will be easy. However - the undeniable truth is that we are even better together than we are apart. 

I am ready!