Go to your cupboard. Right now. Go get a cup saucer and bring it back to the computer. It's okay, I'll wait.
Back? Good. Take a good look at the saucer. Does it look like it could pass through any orifice on your body? Guys - be imaginative. No, of course not. It turns out that a saucer is almost the same size and diameter as the baby's head - almost 10 cm! I don't think I learned anything else that was as useful as that tidbit of information last Saturday.
Birthing classes were fun as something to do with Lisa - but other than that were silly and not very helpful. Watching Lisa cry at every videotape birth was humorous, and I was glad that we were in the back of the room so no one could see us. Lisa can cry at anything. No kidding, Lisa cried at the end of the movie, Faceoff. Wait, you say to yourself, wasn't that the John Woo over-the-top action movie starring John Travolta and Nicolas Cage where there faces were surgically removed and placed on the other persons body? And the answer would be, yes - that movie.
Of course the other thing that was funny was that I passed gas when I was walking out of the room to get coffee in the middle of the videos. Whatever I ate the night before could have used some BEAN-O before I left the house. I had rumbling, explosive gas and I farted right next to a guys head as I walked by him. I got my coffee and nonchalantly entered as if noting had happened. Lisa didn't make eye contact with me, so at least it wasn't that loud. I told her about it an hour later and she laughed and said she thought it was my sneaker squeaking. So, she did hear it. Damn.
The instructor was a hoot. As soon as she got the videotape in and pressed play she was gone out of the room. And there were a lot of videos. Videos - not DVD's - 1980s v-i-d-e-o-t-a-p-e. Nothing has changed in childbirth since - oh, since Eve, but isn't the medicine and medical support around childbirth updated since The Go-Go's first sang "Our Lips Are Sealed"? If the class is going to be mostly videos then couldn't I save $75.00 and buy a DVD for $16.00? At least she didn't resort to film strips and cassette tapes.
I suppose I should be grateful. The instructor did teach us how to breath. After 39 years I had been doing it wrong. The funny part was that she got winded doing the breathing exercises herself and had to sit down. He - he - he - he -Who. He - he - he- he - Who. I made a game of it. I started to snicker. I was afraid to laugh (why didn't the other guys find this hysterical?) because I was the only one in the room who found it funny and because I was afraid I would lose control of pocket upon pocket of flatulence - which of course made it even funnier as I pictured myself exploding from both ends.
I know in my heart of hearts that Lisa and I are ready for child birth because we are a good team and know when to focus on the important things. I know that labor will be wonderful and hard and scary and painful and beautiful. I have no doubt of our ability to get through it - with or without the class.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Conferencing While Pregant
Oh dear. For the past few days I have been attending a conference in Dallas Texas. The conference is great and I have enjoyed myself, but I have certainly experienced the challenges of being pregnant while at a conference.
First of all I am amazed with how frequently I visit the rest room. It seems as if after each session I have to make a bee-line (or should I say a pee-line :)) to the nearest bathroom. But of course, being a woman, the line is sooo long. So part of my conference planning has been figuring out the "out of the way bathrooms" so I do not have to spend all of my time waiting in line.
The other little discovery is that I can't tell if people are being nice to me, offering little smiles, and striking up conversation because I am me or because I am pregnant. Some people have made reference to my belly, some have not. The good news is that no one has dared to put their hand on my bump. I've read that is a common occurrence for some women. Not for me. . . yet.
The other thing I realized as the conference was nearing an end: I don't want to be travelling this close to my due date. My last night in Dallas I experienced a new sensation in my mid section-- and it concerned me. What was this? Whats going on? There is a bit of trembling down there-- or more like muscle spasms. Oh no. Is this normal? Do I call the doctor? Do I call my husband? I want to go home!
I did survive the night, but I did go to the airport earlier than planned to see if I could fly standby. I knew the safest place to be was at home. I think what happened to me that last night was the start of Braxton Hicks contractions. Just my body adjusting to the baby and going through a bit of a dress-rehearsal for the real thing. Wow.
First of all I am amazed with how frequently I visit the rest room. It seems as if after each session I have to make a bee-line (or should I say a pee-line :)) to the nearest bathroom. But of course, being a woman, the line is sooo long. So part of my conference planning has been figuring out the "out of the way bathrooms" so I do not have to spend all of my time waiting in line.
The other little discovery is that I can't tell if people are being nice to me, offering little smiles, and striking up conversation because I am me or because I am pregnant. Some people have made reference to my belly, some have not. The good news is that no one has dared to put their hand on my bump. I've read that is a common occurrence for some women. Not for me. . . yet.
The other thing I realized as the conference was nearing an end: I don't want to be travelling this close to my due date. My last night in Dallas I experienced a new sensation in my mid section-- and it concerned me. What was this? Whats going on? There is a bit of trembling down there-- or more like muscle spasms. Oh no. Is this normal? Do I call the doctor? Do I call my husband? I want to go home!
I did survive the night, but I did go to the airport earlier than planned to see if I could fly standby. I knew the safest place to be was at home. I think what happened to me that last night was the start of Braxton Hicks contractions. Just my body adjusting to the baby and going through a bit of a dress-rehearsal for the real thing. Wow.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Birthing Class: She Said
This past weekend Rich and I attended a 5 1/2 hour birthing class sponsored by the Ithaca OBGYN. We thought it would be funny to share our perspectives of the experience in our own individual blog entries aptly titled: She Said and He Said. Collectively it was a long and interesting day, but coming from our gender perspectives, it makes for a more comical entry.
I was not so sure what to expect because we really never got a breakdown when we signed up. Was this a Lamaze class? Would we be role playing? Watching videos? Chanting? Hell if we knew. So we went in with very little expectation and all kinds of questions.
I will admit, I have recently been spending more time reading and thinking about my perception of the actual birth and the way in which different people approach the birthing experience. From previous entries, you may know that I was never too thrilled with the whole OBGYN doctor model and opted to go the route of a midwife for my primary care. I did not like being treated like a patient. So my perspective of this class is a bit jaded with my new thoughts about medicine and being pregnant.
Our "teacher" was really more like what I would consider a "grandma". She was an older nurse practitioner who told us stories about what birthing was like when she delivered (25 years ago) and did not have much knowledge about how things have changed. I immediately decided that this woman did not have my vote of confidence when she declared that the active labor stage is otherwise known as "1 hour of hell." Thanks, lady. . . that's what I want to hear! Her perspective of cesarean was "frightening" and should be avoided at all costs. She quickly went through some breathing exercises with a "good luck" attitude and did nothing to engage discussion among the couples that were in the class.
I found the day to be full of contradictions. The room was set up in rows of chairs: a listen to the expert perspective. Yet the expert was outdated. Drawing upon her experiences "back in the day", she gave me little comfort and increased my anxiety. The videos we saw that showed three different birth experiences were from the 1980s (based on hair and clothing choices). There was very little conversation and/or discussion and asking us what our feelings and perceptions of birth and baby was.
The next contradiction was what was served for lunch: pizza and caffeinated soda. Hello? Was this a college student gathering or a bunch of pregnant women who are encouraged to make smart eating choices? How was this supposed to help me eat smart? And caffeine and diet soda? Please? I know I down a diet coke in secret every now and then, but to do it in front of other pregnant ladies and a nurse practitioner? Have a little more common sense, oh grandma trainer. Where are the juices?
While the videos and the information presented was helpful, I found the day to be a missed opportunity that could have really assisted Rich and I prepare for our date with destiny. At the very least, it got me thinking about the birthing experience and what Rich and I will need to do on our own to prepare.
Of special note were:
I was not so sure what to expect because we really never got a breakdown when we signed up. Was this a Lamaze class? Would we be role playing? Watching videos? Chanting? Hell if we knew. So we went in with very little expectation and all kinds of questions.
I will admit, I have recently been spending more time reading and thinking about my perception of the actual birth and the way in which different people approach the birthing experience. From previous entries, you may know that I was never too thrilled with the whole OBGYN doctor model and opted to go the route of a midwife for my primary care. I did not like being treated like a patient. So my perspective of this class is a bit jaded with my new thoughts about medicine and being pregnant.
Our "teacher" was really more like what I would consider a "grandma". She was an older nurse practitioner who told us stories about what birthing was like when she delivered (25 years ago) and did not have much knowledge about how things have changed. I immediately decided that this woman did not have my vote of confidence when she declared that the active labor stage is otherwise known as "1 hour of hell." Thanks, lady. . . that's what I want to hear! Her perspective of cesarean was "frightening" and should be avoided at all costs. She quickly went through some breathing exercises with a "good luck" attitude and did nothing to engage discussion among the couples that were in the class.
I found the day to be full of contradictions. The room was set up in rows of chairs: a listen to the expert perspective. Yet the expert was outdated. Drawing upon her experiences "back in the day", she gave me little comfort and increased my anxiety. The videos we saw that showed three different birth experiences were from the 1980s (based on hair and clothing choices). There was very little conversation and/or discussion and asking us what our feelings and perceptions of birth and baby was.
The next contradiction was what was served for lunch: pizza and caffeinated soda. Hello? Was this a college student gathering or a bunch of pregnant women who are encouraged to make smart eating choices? How was this supposed to help me eat smart? And caffeine and diet soda? Please? I know I down a diet coke in secret every now and then, but to do it in front of other pregnant ladies and a nurse practitioner? Have a little more common sense, oh grandma trainer. Where are the juices?
While the videos and the information presented was helpful, I found the day to be a missed opportunity that could have really assisted Rich and I prepare for our date with destiny. At the very least, it got me thinking about the birthing experience and what Rich and I will need to do on our own to prepare.
Of special note were:
- The diagram of what 10 centimeters dilation actually looks like. Shit. . . . how am I supposed to expand that much?! That's the size of our coffee saucers we got with our wedding china!
- How tearful I became during the videos that showed the birth. They were tears of joy and beauty and a little bit of fear of the unknown. Am I going to be this emotional when it is our turn?
- How confident Rich is in our ability to deliver as a couple. "We are a great team and we can do anything we put our minds to." He says. Thanks for being my rock, Rich.
- I know that I will want to use the jacuzzi tub in the hospital during contractions. I miss having regular baths (as our house has an old tub that not that appealing for bubble baths). At least I can milk a jacuzzi bath experience out of the whole ordeal.
- The best part of the day was at the end when Rich and I were driving home and debriefed the experience together. We laughed and laughed. I had not laughed that hard in a long, long time. I think the baby senses that we are going to make this experience as fun and as memorable as possible. Laughter after all is the best medicine.
Monday, March 12, 2007
The Name Game or, Nom De Jour
Dear Smudge,
Just about the only two names your mother and I can agree to right now is Smudge Brown. Lucky for you, you only have to keep one of them.
On the short list right now:
Ryan Alexander
Thomas Jacob
Jacob Thomas
Thomas Alexander (your sister's favorite)
Other mentionables:
Carson, Owen, Walter, Garrison, Tanner, Conner, Richard, Nathan, Dylan, Justin, and Wilber. Okay, I was totally kidding about the Wilber name.
Many, many, many years from now you will have children. When that time comes, you too will encounter the name game. Here are some basic rules:
Who are you and what will your name be? We are waiting to meet you.
Just about the only two names your mother and I can agree to right now is Smudge Brown. Lucky for you, you only have to keep one of them.
On the short list right now:
Ryan Alexander
Thomas Jacob
Jacob Thomas
Thomas Alexander (your sister's favorite)
Other mentionables:
Carson, Owen, Walter, Garrison, Tanner, Conner, Richard, Nathan, Dylan, Justin, and Wilber. Okay, I was totally kidding about the Wilber name.
Many, many, many years from now you will have children. When that time comes, you too will encounter the name game. Here are some basic rules:
- When naming a child consider how the initials sound or what they spell. For instance; Garrison Owen Brown = GOB, and that just doesn't look good monogrammed on the cuff links.
- Think how the name sounds. Tanner Brown, when enunciated, sounds like, "tan, or brown?" Ugh.
- Consider how will the name sound as a child grows. Carson is a good name for a little boy, but might not be that great as a man.
- Can the name make for cool initials? Thomas Jacob is a good name pulling from your grandfather and great grandfather on both sides of the family, and being called TJ by your teachers, friends, and family is "cool".
- No ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriend names. Ever.
Who are you and what will your name be? We are waiting to meet you.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
My Pregnancy Pain
I know that I have been saying that this whole pregnancy thing has been "so far, so good" and that I have been truly fortunate with an "easy" pregnancy. By in large, I still subscribe to that feeling, however, I now have something physical to complain about: my back.
Ouch! My upper back-- right around my right shoulder blade has been hurting. Its been more of a pinch. Over the past month it has gotten so bad that I can only sit for about 30 minutes. Then I have to stand, move around, lie down on my back. . . something. Its been a challenge to function at work. I have gotten to the point that I feel totally comfortable and justified to stand off in the corner during a meeting, leave my computer/desk and go "visit" with people, and while traveling on a bus to Pittsburgh for the NGLA conference, there was the pregnant Greek advisor taking up two seats lying flat on her back. That was not too comfortable either.
I went to my husband's chiropractor first, with much trepidation. You see, I have never been a fan of chiropractors. It is scary how they twist and bend your body, make it crack and pop. It just seems unhealthy and unnatural. I have been trained to believe that the spinal cord is one of the most precious parts of your body when it comes to physical movement. So how can all of this twisting, cracking, and popping be good? Two visits later, I was not so impressed, my back still hurt, and the chiropractor was not winning me over.
At my last midwife's appointment, I told her of my issues with my back. She commented that it might be a result of my growing breasts and that I should try wearing a sports bra. But the other recommendation she gave me was to see another chiropractor that specialized in pregnancy. The sports bra didn't work. . . but the chiropractor did.
A few days later I met with "Dr. Megan". Right away I knew I was going to like her because she focused on me and my changing body. I told her of my aches and pains and right away she started explaining the many crazy shifts all my insides do as my uterus grows. Rather than things getting pushed down and back, I am experiencing a shift up and out. . . which causes some problems for my rib cage. She had me lay down on the special pregnancy table, gave me a wonderful massage, and recommended a few exercises for me to do at home. It was comforting to have someone understand a pregnant woman's body and to reassure me that, this pain too shall pass.
Since my first appointment with Dr. Megan, I have felt better. The pain has not gone away, but I have some strategies now in how to deal with it: pantyhose or an ace bandage wrapped around my upper waist as if to hold my ribs in place. I'll keep going back to her. Her comforting words, conversation, and massages are worth it.
Ouch! My upper back-- right around my right shoulder blade has been hurting. Its been more of a pinch. Over the past month it has gotten so bad that I can only sit for about 30 minutes. Then I have to stand, move around, lie down on my back. . . something. Its been a challenge to function at work. I have gotten to the point that I feel totally comfortable and justified to stand off in the corner during a meeting, leave my computer/desk and go "visit" with people, and while traveling on a bus to Pittsburgh for the NGLA conference, there was the pregnant Greek advisor taking up two seats lying flat on her back. That was not too comfortable either.
I went to my husband's chiropractor first, with much trepidation. You see, I have never been a fan of chiropractors. It is scary how they twist and bend your body, make it crack and pop. It just seems unhealthy and unnatural. I have been trained to believe that the spinal cord is one of the most precious parts of your body when it comes to physical movement. So how can all of this twisting, cracking, and popping be good? Two visits later, I was not so impressed, my back still hurt, and the chiropractor was not winning me over.
At my last midwife's appointment, I told her of my issues with my back. She commented that it might be a result of my growing breasts and that I should try wearing a sports bra. But the other recommendation she gave me was to see another chiropractor that specialized in pregnancy. The sports bra didn't work. . . but the chiropractor did.
A few days later I met with "Dr. Megan". Right away I knew I was going to like her because she focused on me and my changing body. I told her of my aches and pains and right away she started explaining the many crazy shifts all my insides do as my uterus grows. Rather than things getting pushed down and back, I am experiencing a shift up and out. . . which causes some problems for my rib cage. She had me lay down on the special pregnancy table, gave me a wonderful massage, and recommended a few exercises for me to do at home. It was comforting to have someone understand a pregnant woman's body and to reassure me that, this pain too shall pass.
Since my first appointment with Dr. Megan, I have felt better. The pain has not gone away, but I have some strategies now in how to deal with it: pantyhose or an ace bandage wrapped around my upper waist as if to hold my ribs in place. I'll keep going back to her. Her comforting words, conversation, and massages are worth it.
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