Sometimes weeks
go by in what seems like days. Other times, days seems to feel like
months. It is hard to believe that Grandma
Betty passed so quickly and yet it seemed like it lasted forever.
Betty was one
of the best people I have known. Being
so close to her these past ten years I looked at her as a wonderful obligation
of family. Whenever she asked for something,
I made sure that it was done – quickly. Whenever
I helped her, I thought of my mom and dad and thought this is what is expected of
me, if I couldn’t do it for them I would do it for her, and that they were
proud of me. Betty always seems like she
was putting me out to change a light bulb, or cut the grass, or take her to a
doctor. I always replied that, “this is what family does.” As a family we came
together to help her go to the next place.
In May she hurt
her back. In June she was getting physical therapy but wasn’t getting much
relief. She was so uncomfortable that she
decided not to travel to Nashville, TN, for Samantha’s wedding. Her discomfort
led to being unable to walk without pain so Lisa cut her trip to Tennessee
short and returned to take her mom to the hospital. Time began to slow down.
We all maintained
a positive outlook during that first visit. Betty was certain she would recover
from her back and this new infection in her blood. We began to look at rehabilitation facilities
where she could get her mobility back. Lisa focused on her mom and her
care. Only one doctor called it. He told
us we should start looking for hospice because Betty lacked the strength to
beat this infection. We persevered and
went to rehab but it only lasted a few days before we were back in the hospital. Every time we took one step forward we seemed
to take two steps backward. That makes time pass even slower.
During that
second visit the doctor told Betty directly that the hospital had done all it
can for her and that she was dying. She took the news bravely and with her
usual stoicism. We began to look for inpatient hospice since she was unable to
move on her own. Lisa managed this with
an incredible spirit and bravery. She rose to the occasion and never once let
her mother down. Betty arrived at
hospice on Sunday. Time seemed to almost
stop.
I spent the
last hours of my parent’s lives at their sides. I sat with Dad and we laughed
and talked for a short while before he passed. We held mom’s hand and placed it
on Lisa’s six-month pregnant belly and comforted and reassured her that it was
okay to let go. We were determined to be
with Betty as she made this transition because it is the last obligation we have as children to our parents.
We took a vigil
by her bedside, sometimes spending the night. Linda returned from Missouri. In
those last few days Betty’s true spirit shown through. She was happy to see
everyone who came to visit. She prayed for the people taking take of her. She
prayed for the people who came in to pray for her. She expressed her gratitude
to me for being a good son-in-law, especially for taking care of Bobby for ten
plus years. She said goodbye to TJ, Grant, Sam, and Genevieve. There didn’t seem to be any remorse, woe, or
worry. Betty slipped from full consciousness
to this place in between. She knew we were with her but couldn’t respond except
for maybe a groan or a low moan. Then time stopped.
On a Monday afternoon
Linda called from hospice. Betty was gone. Lisa came home from work and we returned to
the facility with to say goodbye to the body, for the spirit had move on. We
said a prayer and gathered her belongings and thanked the nurses. Earlier that day Lisa called in pain because
she was frustrated seeing her mom in her state. After we left, time started to
move again.
Over the
weekend we had a lovely service at our church. We broadcast pictures of Betty
with her children and grandchildren and remarked on life well lived.
We will miss her. We will miss sharing the boys' accomplishments with her. We will miss her making a Sunday dinner of roast pork or beef, rice, vegetables, and of course, rolls. We will miss her stories about the Blockus and Grimley families. Some of the stories are embedded in our consciousness - although we might not have all of the details correct.
She was one of kind.
