Going Solo

We are going on 48 hours of being "solo" with TJ and by in large it is going well. See, I am embarking on a test of "mommyhood" for the next two weeks while Rich is away participating in an officer training course for the Army Reserves.

Last week I did not want to have much to do with being alone with TJ for such an extended period of time. The thought of it would bring me to tears. Part post-partum depression, and part fear and anxiety that I was not going to be able to handle things alone. Rich had become such the master swaddler-- one of our secrets to getting TJ to sleep for long periods at night. Every swaddle I would put together would fall apart within the first 5 minutes of TJs active pouting. TJ also has developed a pattern of being Mr. Cranky Pants in the late afternoon to early evenings. You know, one of those "I am going to cry real loud and there is nothing you can do to console me" type of attitudes for which young babies are famous.

During these periods of time I can't help but feel helpless, yet in an odd sense it is comforting to feel helpless with another person there share in it. Rich had become my partner in all of this and to loose him now put all of these questions and fears in my head: was I going to measure up? Can I do this "mom" thing for real? Was I going to loose it and break down? Was I going to be able to sleep at all? How am I going to manage without a "fallback guy" and my partner who has a way with TJ that I can not seem to replicate? How was this going to be possible?

So we are two days down and many of my fears have subsided. Sunday night was very restful and Monday morning was a piece of cake. TJ was being the "model" baby for me, and for this I was so thankful. The afternoon proved to be a bit more challenging, but with the fact that I had slept well the night before and that I had lined up a series of friends to visit and check up on me, things were okay. A small win for Mommy Brown.

I know these two weeks are going to have their share of ups and downs, but with each of these passing hours, I am realizing that I am learning to be a mom in my own way. I am getting amazing time with TJ-- a bond that only two weeks of hanging tough and learning from each other can give you. I look forward to Rich's check in calls and my "sanity breaks" by my friends provide when they stop by to say "hi". I am not really that alone.

Here is to the next 10 days!