Coming to Know Each Other

One of my favorite things to say at this stage of my maternity leave is: "I am learning how to be a mom and TJ is learning how to be a son." You see, it is a relationship. We are learning from each other. I am better coming to know my son and at the same time he is better coming to know me.

At seven weeks, I am starting to see some patterns in TJ's behavior emerge. For instance, I have found that after TJ feeds he enters into a phase of activity. He is alert, he is ready to take in the world, and interact with things around him. This lasts between 30-40 minutes. Anything after that and he becomes cranky. It's almost as he gets over stimulated and he is ready to shut the world out by taking a nap.

Trouble is, I have also learned that TJ does not like the thought of going to sleep during the day. He puts up a fight and lets me know that although he is tired, he is not too keen on closing his eyes. But eventually, he succumbs to the land of nod and sleeps for a good 45-90 minutes.

The nap period is where TJ is learning the most on how to best read his mom and dad. He has learned-- to some extent-- to soothe himself in the crib at nap time. We swaddle him, rock him for a little bit, place him in his crib, and turn on some sort of white noise (the fan, a CD of white noise music). And much to my surprise, he calms down and eventually nods off to sleep. I would not have predicted this behavior a couple of weeks ago, but at seven weeks, he is getting a hang of it. He is becoming a son.

After his nap, TJ is also in a good mood. This is the period of time that I have discovered he gives his best smiles. I love watching him and his dad interact after a good sleep. They play off each other really well. Just this morning, TJ and Dad were having quite a bonding experience. It was amazing to watch. TJ was fixated on Dad's face. Dad would say "hello" or sing a song, and TJ's face would light up. And this went on repeatedly for 5-6 minutes. Being witness to this morning's interaction, I would not be surprised if TJ learned to giggle in the next week. So here too, TJ is learning to be a son to his father. I love watching the relationship those two are developing.

We are all learning in relation to the other in these past seven weeks. It is through more time together and creating that sense of trust that we are really starting to understand how we operate, what works and what doesn't work. Simply put, we are learning to love each other and it is wonderful.

Another Milestone

The balance of sleep distribution in the house may have changed because TJ took his first bottle last night. Without getting into the details - why should I have to get up with Lisa if she's the only one who can feed TJ at night. Right?

Well, that all changed yesterday. Yesterday was the day we decided to try bottle feeding our son. Lisa had been pumping and saving milk so that I could take over at least one feeding a day as well as prepare for her return to work.

We had a plan.

We brought the milk to room temp and put it one of the several types of bottles Lisa bought. "This one simulates the actual breast!" We grabbed the bottles, the baby, and a blanket and headed upstairs where TJ and I were to be closed off from Lisa (Keep in mind that an infant can smell mom from 20 feet away). Lisa wished me luck and closed the door.

In my arms TJ was wailing away as I brought the bottle to his lips. Then he stopped crying, took a tiny taste, and then bore down on the "simulated breast". His eyes were wide open and that was the best part. There was a look of utter surprise and confusion as if to say, "hey, what the - you aren't supposed to be able to do this." He never broke eye contact with me the entire time.

Twenty minute later he was done with the milk but not the suckling, which usually puts him off to sleep. Thinking quickly I introduced a pacifier which did the trick. With a full tummy I wrapped him, burped him, and laid him in his crib.

Perhaps double feeding him (which we eventually wound up doing last night) is the key to a longer nights sleep for everyone. Of course it also means that I am now eligible to take care of that 3:30 am feeding.

Hmph...

Back At Home

I am home from two weeks away from the house, Lisa, and TJ.

For some reason the house always seems bigger than it really is when I return from a trip.

Lisa did an amazing job getting/keeping the house in order. She hung pictures, worked on the baby's room, and cleaned the fridge! Not bad when you are carrying an eight and a half pound wiggle worm all day. Samantha is off to camp in North Carolina.

However, Lisa did leave me some work; the lawn, which went for two whole weeks unmowed. That was a treat! (Then there is the whole issue of the garage door, but Lisa can explain that.)

TJ got bigger. Most noticeably around his head. Don't get the impression that he is a bobble head doll. It's just that his head got larger. He is longer too. He used to fit in the front carrier so that you only saw the top of his head. Now he is able to see out better.

He is still fussy at mid day, but a good walk last night kept him content.

The biggest change is in his new ability to smile! Two weeks ago I was working hard for an up turned cheek. Now he is able to smile a big, ear to ear, happy face grin! Getting him to smile like this is still w-o-r-k.

Last night TJ was up twice. Lisa woke me to swaddle him after he eat. For two weeks I slept uninterrupted - like a rock. Ahh, it's good to be home!

TJs First Road Trip

This past weekend, TJ and I took our first road trip together to see Daddy at Fort Dix, New Jersey. And if this weekend is any indication of our future together as road trippers, I say LETS GO CROSS COUNTRY. TJ was a world class traveller and really made the weekend with Dad fun.

The ride down, TJ did a fabulous job sleeping. I kept the radio on low and the speed above 60. There was something about that combination that just seemed to work and I was not about ready to jinx his sleeping pattern. He was so peaceful. I was amazed with how well this little boy travelled. I was prepared for a six hour drive. It only took four.

As a part of the weekend we went to visit our friends, Pat and Amy. They had yet to meet TJ, so we were more than excited to do the introductions. We also took a ride to the Jersey Shore. TJ had his first beach experience and I rather think he enjoyed it. Dad and son donned their Hawaiian Shirts for the occasion and TJ was able to dip his feet in the Atlantic Ocean. It was a great first milestone for a boy whose mother hopes will fall in love with the water like she has.

It was wonderful to see Rich again and share in the wonder of TJ as husband and wife. I think that over the past few days I have really seen TJ "grow up" a bit. He seems to be getting bigger and is developing some new sleeping and waking behavior habits. I am reminded that this baby is a dynamic, changing, little person who will experience phases and learn and grow over time. As much of a no-brainer as it sounds: TJ is not going to stay an infant forever. But it is a fascinating experience to watch.

We even can report that over this weekend, TJ gave an award winning smile to his dad. Up turned lips and everything. It was a much bolder smile than the others we had seen. I think he was expressing his joy over seeing his dad, meeting new people, and his trip to the ocean. How could you not help but smile. This is summer vacation at its best.

Going Solo

We are going on 48 hours of being "solo" with TJ and by in large it is going well. See, I am embarking on a test of "mommyhood" for the next two weeks while Rich is away participating in an officer training course for the Army Reserves.

Last week I did not want to have much to do with being alone with TJ for such an extended period of time. The thought of it would bring me to tears. Part post-partum depression, and part fear and anxiety that I was not going to be able to handle things alone. Rich had become such the master swaddler-- one of our secrets to getting TJ to sleep for long periods at night. Every swaddle I would put together would fall apart within the first 5 minutes of TJs active pouting. TJ also has developed a pattern of being Mr. Cranky Pants in the late afternoon to early evenings. You know, one of those "I am going to cry real loud and there is nothing you can do to console me" type of attitudes for which young babies are famous.

During these periods of time I can't help but feel helpless, yet in an odd sense it is comforting to feel helpless with another person there share in it. Rich had become my partner in all of this and to loose him now put all of these questions and fears in my head: was I going to measure up? Can I do this "mom" thing for real? Was I going to loose it and break down? Was I going to be able to sleep at all? How am I going to manage without a "fallback guy" and my partner who has a way with TJ that I can not seem to replicate? How was this going to be possible?

So we are two days down and many of my fears have subsided. Sunday night was very restful and Monday morning was a piece of cake. TJ was being the "model" baby for me, and for this I was so thankful. The afternoon proved to be a bit more challenging, but with the fact that I had slept well the night before and that I had lined up a series of friends to visit and check up on me, things were okay. A small win for Mommy Brown.

I know these two weeks are going to have their share of ups and downs, but with each of these passing hours, I am realizing that I am learning to be a mom in my own way. I am getting amazing time with TJ-- a bond that only two weeks of hanging tough and learning from each other can give you. I look forward to Rich's check in calls and my "sanity breaks" by my friends provide when they stop by to say "hi". I am not really that alone.

Here is to the next 10 days!

Working For Smiles

It's 7:17am and TJ was a little more fussy than usual last night so he and I are downstairs listening to the coffee brew. Mommy is getting some more sleep.

At one month old he is ever more aware of his surroundings. He is learning that he can interact with his world. He is learning that the two faces he sees everyday are worth looking at. So, he tries to mimic them.

And so we try to coax that first smile out of him. We smile so much it makes our faces hurt. However, when that little cheek twists and turns upwards just a little its worth it.

In his little bouncy seat he stares at the toys hanging from the bar. His eyes are wide open. He waits as if they are going to do something. Or, he is just absorbing everything he comes into contact with and little hanging toys that move with his bouncing are the coolest thing ever. Sometimes I think that makes him smile too.

Life is good.

Coffee is ready.