Going Home

Disclaimer:

I have to remind myself that this is journal about the Brown family and not another blog about another deployment.  For the record, I have taken a selfie a day since I arrived in Texas. I called it "SOTD" for "Selfie of the Day" and hung it on Instagram and Facebook to chronicle my time in Kuwait, Camp Arifjan, and my travels.  It was a simple and fun way to show everyone back home what life is like during a deployment.  I tried to not write too much about that on this journal unless it related to Lisa, Sam, TJ, Grant or life back home. 

Nonetheless...

Today is my last day in Kuwait.  The last of laundry is in the washer.  I am 99% packed.  I am counting down the hours until I head to the airport.  I am looking forward to going home.

Reunions are weird.  While Lisa and I have been partners over the last seven months, she has been mommy, dad, consoler, disciplinarian, and at the front of the family.  In a week I will insert myself back into that dynamic.  You can't just pick up where you left off back in December.  

This is not the first time we have been here.  In 2009, I returned home to toddler (TJ), a teenage daughter, and a frazzled spouse.  Lisa had the worst of it; losing our daughter, losing her job, being adrift without me there to help. My son didn't know what to do with me who was in the house and was confused at my parenting skills. In fact it took us the better part of a year to really connect.  Samantha was just entering that gawd-awful phase of puberty but still had some childhood charm to her. I think it took time for all of us to readjust to one another.

Those memories stir anxiety.  I am so happy to be going home but I am worried about fitting back in.  The good news to mitigate my feelings is that I have seen the family twice over the last seven months - once in April when I was in Ft. Leavenworth, KS, and in June when I was in Carlisle, PA.  Plus, with FaceTime and phone calls I don't feel like a stranger to the kids or to Lisa. Everyone is excited for me to be coming home.  I can hear it in their voices and how they interact with me over iPads.

We have a lot planned over the next few weeks; movies, Nerf wars, Camp, road trips, and parties.  In that time we will all figure out what it means to be "home". 

It is funny, I haven't thought about my home for a while - the physicality of it.  I mean that I just haven't pictured myself in it - walking the floors, climbing the stairs, listening to the sounds of people, pets, and life.  I haven't thought about it until a few days ago.  Now I can picture myself sitting on the back porch around sunset, beer in hand, music playing - Lisa by my side.    

I have no illusions on perfection or that everything will be easy. However - the undeniable truth is that we are even better together than we are apart. 

I am ready!

Booger Boy and Stinker

I FaceTimed back to the house today and Lisa passed off the phone to two very excited boys who had not spoken to their dad in a while.  TJ and I have not spoken since he started Camp (no technology allowed!).  Grant and I haven't spoken since we were in Carlisle.  

They were busting at the seams about Camp, movies, and my return home.  We taunted each other about who was going to beat up on who, especially since Grant did 10 push up and 20 sit ups.  I can tell Grant was excited because he kept trying to get in the frame to make a face.  He is also excited because his brother is home and you can just tell that he missed him.  As a parent that makes you feel good. 

TJ is just as easy going as ever but I can tell he is anxious for me to be home.  

I know they are looking forward to having me home as much as I am excited to see them.  

A Day Off

I am self-admittedly a person who tends to keep to himself.  Given my options at home - if alone - I will likely sit in front of the TV playing on the Xbox or working on a project on iMovie.  I rarely go out alone just to see who is out and about. 

My options while living in Kuwait are more limited and I have come to the realization that I might be a bit of a loner.  Sundays are a great example.

Today being Sunday, I start the day with a cup of coffee at Starbucks because it is right next door and I can get a Stars and Stripes there.  I come back to the room, read the paper and drink the coffee.  Around 8ish I bike over the "Frat House", otherwise known as the Zone 2 DFAC, or Dining Facility.  Sundays mornings they serve brunch; fresh waffles, eggs, hamburgers, sandwiches.  Its a good spread.  

I bike back to my room and do laundry. I watch a movie on Netflix or DVD. This morning, just for kicks, I took the bike for a 9 mile ride around the post before watching "War Machine".  Somewhere in there, I clean the room. 

If at any point I speak to someone it is by pure coincidence.  I do not avoid people; when my deputy sat down across from me this morning we had a nice conversation.  But if I hadn't seen him I would not have sought him out because I know I will see him tomorrow and the day after and the day after. 

I know it is a 115+ degrees outside so seek neither the searing heat or intense sunshine for the next few hours.   

By about 1pm I get a sandwich just to tide me over until dinner.  A nap may or may not follow after that.  In the afternoon I either go swim or go to the gym (today it was the gym).  I come back, shower, and sit down and wonder where the day went and why it took so long to get to this point in it. 

Again, if I see someone I know at lunch I might invite myself to sit down with them - or not.  At the gym - headphones.  

I like Sundays off.  I enjoy the quiet and solitude - although neither are self imposed, it just works out that way.  

In a few weeks this rhythm will be over and be replaced with a wonderful chaos of life.  Pulled out of solitary confinement I will happily join my life again.