Our Secret. . . sort of

So my big issue over the past two weeks is trying to figure out when it is safe to tell everybody our news. There are times that I want to run up to people and say, "guess what? I a pregnant!" and then there are times when I am making up an answer to a question from a colleague about why I am drinking water instead of my usual diet coke.

Yes, we wanted to tell family. . .to let them in on the good news. . . to be a support for us in the early months. But at what point do we let the rest of the world into our family affairs? When should I tell my best friends? The people I see on a day to day basis? Those that I exchange emails with frequently and reply "nothing much" when they ask what is new?

I guess I am still waiting from a blessing from above or a decree from a doctor: "you are pregnant, Lisa. It is safe to tell the world." We still do not know how many weeks along I am (we are guessing 6 or 7) or when our anticipated due date is. And I'd like to have those facts to share when we start letting our friends know.

And then there is the other concern: telling work. Yes, I am concerned that people may judge me or come to their own conclusions about my life. I do not want people to be writing my future for me when I have not even come to my own conclusions about what I want my future to be. Will I or will I not come back to work? Will I be as committed to my work ethic or is a baby going to be a distraction? And the one that hurts most of all: Of course I should not have been hired as the associate dean, my focus is on babies and a family.

Yes, there is some baggage there. These are my insecurities and the voices inside my head; not the ones from those with whom I work. Still, I'd like to have a plan on when and how to let people know. I am learning that it is hard to keep my good news in. I want to share this huge happening in my life. It will change me. It will change the way in which I work. But, it does not have to be for the worse.

Rich and I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday of this week. At this appointment we are going to get our first sonogram. This should be able to tell the doctor just how far along we are and when our due date might be. My feeling right now is lets see what the doctor says. When we get this information we can make a better plan on when and how to let our friends and colleagues into our little secret.