Happy Fourth of July

We spent the Fourth of July going to Atlantic Beach, North Carolina. It was a perfect day of warm weather, sunny dispositions, and lots of surf and sand.

The night before we joined the Camp crowd for the "Third on the Fourth Fireworks" at camp. Over a thousand kids, counselors and adults all sitting on blankets in a big open field next to the river - it was electrical. This was TJ's first "real" fireworks where he comprehended the sounds and bright sparkling explosions. Of course, to him, it was a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

We got up for breakfast and hit the early ferry to the south side of the Neuse River. We drove through pine scrub forest until we hit Morehead, NC and made our way over the causeway to the beach. Parking, believe it or not, was easy to find and we unloaded to the dunes.

This was TJ's first "real" visit to the ocean - you know, the one where he realizes waves and surf. He chased the water out and it chased him back in. He screeched and laughed. We loved it and it was amazing to see the fun in his eyes of such a simple act as playing in the surf and sand. We did confirm that TJ is a sand castle buster, not a builder. I, unfortunately, am a sand castle builder. Having TJ "Godzilla" Brown around is dangerous.

Sam played the part of the protective big sister and reminded me once again that that sibling bond is very strong. Of course her main goal was to listen to her iPod and get a tan, but on the whole she wanted to be with us - very cool for a soon-to-be teenager.

Our trip included a visit to the "famous" Sanitary Fish Market, a staple of the Seafarer and Seagull crowd for years and years. The restaurant is one of those community places that grew out of a reputation for good food and through word of mouth and very clever marketing of tee-shirts. Fried anything (mostly fish) and a staple of southern food that I actually like, hush puppies! We ate way too much and spent way too much but it was worth it.

On the trip home I reflected how happy I was to be with my family on a day where everything was pleasant.

God bless America!

Before TJ Turns Three

TJ's third birthday is just about a week away. But before we leave this age of 2, I need to make sure that I record a few things that have been wonderful about this year. I know parents say this a lot, but as TJ grows and develops I find myself saying, "this is the perfect age!" and then he gets a bit older, and I say it again, "no, THIS is the perfect age". So I guess in all of this I am saying that I am enjoying every stage of TJ's growth and find the joy, the humor, and the delight in it all. I do look forward to what Three brings us, but for now, here are a few things that make me love TJ at 2.5 years of age.

TJ is about 90% potty trained-- and it was really much easier than I expected. TJs teachers at child care said, "TJ is just one of those boys you just have to put in underwear and he will learn and adjust." So we did just that. . . and three days later, there were no more accidents at school and only a few at home. A week later and he was dry during nap time and bed time. Two weeks later and he is telling us when he has to go. Of course there have been some laughs along the way. For instance, when we first started saying "no" to diapers and "yes" to big boy pants, there was the occasion he found a spare diaper, ran, grabbed it and gave it a big loving hug! Apparently he was not quite ready to give them up!

We also used the m&m reward as a strategy for our potty training. He gets so tickled when he pees or poops or toots in the potty he rushes over to the bag of m&ms and says "whoo hoo, I pee potty! I m&m." And of course our favorite is when we are in public and TJ feels so free to announce his successes to his daddy quite loudly. Sigh. Oh well, what can we say. Our child is proud and we are proud that he is doing so well.

But my favorite potty training moment was when even mommy got rewarded. There I was sitting on the potty. TJ asked me what I was doing. I told him the obvious, "mamma is going potty." He got a big smile on his face and said, "mamma on the potty. Mamma gets an M&M!" and rushed off to our stash and brought me back my reward. Thanks, TJ.

TJ has also reached another milestone of sorts: he no longer sleeps in a crib. We removed the front "wall" of his crib a few months back. And while he is excellent at staying in his bed when it is time to go to bed, we have not yet been successful in teaching him to stay in his bed when he wakes up in the morning. His 2.5 year rationale is that the "sun is up" so everyone else, therefore must get up too. 5:45, 6:00. . . what have you, in runs TJ. "Wake up, mommy. Get out bed. Sun up!" Ugh! Those are early mornings for us. He has even been known to pull the covers off of me in effort to get me out of bed.

TJs language development has really improved over the past few months too. He is trying to say more words and have a conversation with his mom and dad. And of course, this is where things get really cute, because as we all know, kids say the darndest things.

TJ is now, for some reason calling dad "Rich". We are not yet at the point where "Lisa" replaces "mom", but my theory is that the "L" sound is still to hard to use on a regular basis.

TJ has also developed a love for anything Disney. Of course given all of our trips down there and our love for the place too, we shouldn't be too surprised. He is tickled pink with the "wicky witch" from Snow White and even the "wicky witch" from the musical "Wicked". He is also fascinated by the "sea witch" from The Little Mermaid. At school he knows all of the Peter Pan characters even though he has never seen a Peter Pan movie. He can recognize the "Disney" logo at the drop of a hat. And loves "circle" (circle of life) from the Lion King. He even tries to sing along.

And TJ has now entered into the "why" stage. "Why mommy, why?" he asks. As of now he seems content with my short answers, but I can imagine that will change over time too.

We are blessed to have such a good natured little boy who has two speeds: off and on. He is high energy, quick to laugh, and goes with the flow. I am excited to continue marveling at the little boy he continues to become as he turns a year older next week.

Found

There are reasons why "guys" don't like to write about there feelings. It's not because they aren't good at it. It's because men are usually so closed off from those emotions that when they tap into them it A-L-L comes gushing out; and that's when it can sound silly.

Nonetheless.

I have spent most of the day in teary awe of the end of the show, LOST. Even if you don't know what the show is about you can appreciate the deep meaning behind an long arcing, existential show that in the end leaves us, the audience, to discover that our cast has died. However, not died in a mournful way. No, they roam life (such as it is) in purgatory until they find one another, and in finding one another remember their friends, their loved ones, their family. And once the group is reunited in a "place they built to find one another," they move on into a bright white light. Not mournful at all - beautiful.

I was (and still am) shaken to my core. Yes, this is death and this is heaven. When you die you are eventually reunited with the ones you love and shared life with. They wait for you and welcome you with open arms. Yes, of course.

My core is not shaken over the show, although it was emotional to see characters - once dead - back with their friends. (Although, yes, it was a head trippy television event that will not be repeated for years to come.) Those are emotions that I can get over or dismiss in the machismo of stoic behavior.

No, I broke down today in the thought that in the end I will be reunited Samantha, TJ, mom, and dad; that I will get to see old friends again and that I will remember them.

Lisa. I used to think that my death would be a lonely one. I used to think that whatever was on the other side wouldn't be able to offer my much more than my children and my parents until Lisa came into my life. Lisa saved my soul as much as she saved my existence on this earth. She gave me another chance at love and enabled me to find my honor and forgive myself of my sins. Only her love could do that. And I am forever indebted.

I think I have lost sight of how amazing that love is in the middle of new jobs, a move, building a house, career progression, the end of a tour in Iraq; and maybe I took it all for granted. That is until last night and the thought of ever losing her in this life only to find her again in the next one, or going ahead of her knowing how sad she'd be until we met again.

Just like that - crash - the emotional flood gate opened.

I love my wife. If you ever see her, you can tell I said so.

I was lost until she found me.

It's A Lot

Look for a picture here soon!

It will be of an empty lot (number 199) with trees in the background, and if the angle is just right, a glimpse of the tiny pond that will complete our backyard. On this lot is where we are building our home. By late August there should be a house with grass, and shutters and people living in it; the Brown Family.

For the past few weeks we have looked at houses and decided to build instead of buy an existing home. The process of looking for a house with a partner who can be capricious at times is a bit annoying. Okay, its a lot annoying. I could have picked two or three houses from the fifteen we saw. Lisa, on the other hand, found one reason or another to question a final decision. I decided for my sanity and our marital bliss to take a step back until Lisa could narrow it down. Finally, she stopped in a new development that I drive by on my way to work everyday. She did the research, brought home a some plans, and put forward a good argument to build. Dollar for dollar, square foot by square foot it's about the same to build as it is to buy built.

But for now it's a lot - but not too much - I couldn't pass on the double meaning there. Its a lot to get your head wrapped around. It's a lot to think about all of the decisions that go into a building a house; color schemes, lighting fixtures, carpet choices, cabinet stain and drawer pulls. Where will the furniture go? What about window treatments? Considering the aforementioned capricious nature of my wife - this could take a while.

Building in a new community going in from the ground up also has its challenges. There are no homes on the right of left of us right now, but there will be. In fact, there will be construction on our street for the next twelve to eighteen months. And I mean, left, right, and across the street from us. I imagine that our place will look like a little oasis amidst all of the other places in various forms of being built.

This house will fit us well as we grow into it over the years. Its not too big as to get lost in the house and its not too small where everyone is on top of everyone else.

We'll keep you posted as things move along.

Vacation. Part 2 - Easter

In this family vacations always begin with road trips; a van packed with luggage, strollers, cameras, DVDs, toys, and sleepy human beings. Our road trips always have three common elements: the Get-to-the-State-First game (only the people in the front can play), Waffle House, and one DVD played no less than three times.

The "State" game consist of reaching out onto the dash board as possible in order to get into the next state first. The game is rife with subterfuge and trickery such as spiking brakes to "lock-up" the other persons seat belt (Lisa, on more than one occasion), faking a crisis, or pretending to have already crossed the state line. I once convinced Lisa that she missed the state line during her cat nap so she paid no attention when we actually crossed.

Trips also consist of at least one stop at a Waffle House - waffles, eggs, coffee, hash browns, toast, and meat all in one meal. This used to be a treat when we drove down from New York because we've never seen a Waffle House north of the Mason Dixon line. It's still a treat to people watch at Waffle House. The staff is always cast the same; an overweight cook with a grease stained apron, an impossibly too old waitress who insists on calling everyone at the table, "Dear," "Hon," or "Sweetie," and a restaurant full of truckers, families, and local geezers.

We arrived in Homosassa, Florida on Good Friday to spend all of Saturday with Lisa's sister and her family. It was the first time we'd all been together in one place at one time since Christmas 2007. We had a traditional Easter dinner and egg hunt a day early as well as taking liberal use of the boat and kayak. TJ quickly got the hang of hunting for Easter eggs and would then re-hide what he had found, usually behind just one seat cushion, although I imagine that Betty will continue to find plastic eggs for sometime to come.

The highlight of the easter weekend, before driving to Orlando, was getting up at 6:00 am to watch the space shuttle launch. I had never seen a rocket launch before, so I offered to drive the family from the west coast of Florida to the east coast of Florida to see it. Naturally, when they found out the launch was at 6:20 am, Lisa and Sam both bailed on the idea. I, of course, was curious if I'd be able to see from over 200 miles away. I mean, what's there to see from that far away, right?

I found myself standing on my mother-in-laws dock at 6:00ish in the morning, not really knowing which way to look and not knowing exactly what to look for. After 15 minutes of feeling like I lost an hour of good sleep I was about to go in when I saw it. WOW. From the opposite coast it was as bright as a roman candle on top of a thick pillar of smoke. I ran inside an woke my slumbering wife who ran out in the dark with me. We were able to see the shuttle rise as the separation of the solid rocket boosters glowed a neon fluoresent blue in the pre-sunrise sky as it moved off into space. (This morning I learned that shuttle program is being phased out later this year and that I may never see something like that again.)

Next stop Orlando!

Vacation. Part I - Why Disney

I can remember my first trip to Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom in February, 1976. (Coincidentally, Lisa made her first trip there in the same time frame; did we stand on line for Space Mountain together?) While I don't remember meeting Mickey Mouse or any other characters for that matter, I do have fleeting memories of walking in the middle of Main Street USA, seared impressions of terror on Space Mountain, being woken to the wonder of the Illuminations on the Lake, and the fun spookiness of the Haunted Mansion as two ghosts tried to hitchhike their way home with us. I also remember tickets, thus the term, "E-ticket ride."

It was the first and only vacation we ever took as a family.

Disney was sort of special to our family. In addition to that vacation, we'd all sit in front of the television on Sunday nights at seven o'clock to watch The Wonderful World of Disney on NBC. The Goofy cartoon shorts were always my favorite. However, whenever Walt Disney himself introduced something we all took notice. EPCOT anyone? I can't remember if the show was a half hour or longer, but I remember that in my pre-teen years we rarely missed a show.

And somewhere in all of that muddled growing up I learned to associate family to Disney.

I've been back to the Magic Kingdom four times (as well as the other parks) since 1976. Each time I look for something I've never noticed or done before. For example, after five trips, I still haven't been on the Astro-Orbiter or visited the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. Sometimes its a rare character sighting - like Tweedledum and Tweedledee, with Lisa, or watching the sword in the stone ceremony, or the "snow fall" at the end of the electric parade in December, 2005.

Since 2001, its watching the magic through the eyes of my children; Samantha literally exploding with excitement upon seeing Cinderella's Castle when she was three, or watching TJ get his first "real kiss" from Snow White when he was 13 months.

I understand the Disney is a corporation whose board of directors are just as concerned about the return on their investment as they are about entertaining the world. And I don't care. For all of the money I have given Disney, I can report that they are consistently exceptional leaving no detail unnoticed.

When my mom died in 2007, she left us a little bit of money. Just enough to invest and put some aside for something special. I originally thought of taking several grand and blowing it on a top of the line stay at Walt Disney World. Mom was a huge Disney fan. She wouldn't have minded at all. Then Lisa and I spent an hour listening to the sales pitch for the Disney Vacation Club - Disney's version of timeshare property ownership - and it became crystal clear. We paid our money and again we were not disappointed.

Last week we took our first vacation to our vacation club as a family. We stayed at the Kidani Village in the Animal Kingdom Lodge. As my "seen-it-all-at-12 years-old, too-hard-to-impress" daughter turned to me and said, "This place is totally cool," I realized that I am starting a new generation of family memories. I am fortunate that I share this Disney affection with Lisa.

Yep, I get misty when I think about mom, her love for her kids and Disney and how she passed that tiny little thing on to me so that I can pass it on to Samantha and TJ. She would be so, so happy right now.

Why Disney? It's about family. It's about this family.

The Stories We Will Always Share Pt I

There are some things that happen and will go down in family legacy. Things we will laugh about, things we will remember and tell stories about over and over and over. I think we have a few of those stories already with TJ, and it is fun that he takes part in telling those stories too.

Of course his version is, "T.J. what happened when you saw the shark?"

He replies, "AAAAAHHHH!"

"then what happened?" We cue.

"Whaaaaaa!" He responds.

Yes. That is the story of the day we were at Universal and went on the Jaws ride. What were we thinking taking a 2 year old on that ride before his nap time? As if he was not already overstimulated enough. But regardless, the family boarded the boat and set off for an enjoyable tour of Amity Island. We hear the music. The adults are at the edge of their seats knowing that the great white lurks. TJ hasn't a clue. And then, wouldn't you know it, Jaws pops out of the water right on our side of the boat, right next to TJ! There are teeth. There is blood. There are loud noises. Fire. Theatrics. Enough to get a 2 year old's heart racing in terror. And so he screams and clings to mommy. And then, yes, once the panic is over he starts to cry.
We tried to tell him how brave he was afterward. We tried to make light out of it by going up to a stuffed animal shark and saying, "Bad shark" as we bopped it on the head. But, I think we scarred our boy a little bit that day. And I know that because every time we drive over a body of water, he is sure to say, "Shark!"

Oh, swimming in the ocean for the first time this summer will not go well.

Welcome Home

We are moved into our new home.

In the back of my head I hear James Taylor singing, "Carolina In My Mind." Of course that's quickly drown out by Billy Joel's, "New York State of Mind." You can the boy out of New York, but you won't take the New York out of the boy.

Our move went very well thanks to an amazing family who are friends to Lisa'a friend, but strangers to us. They showed two hours after the movers left and began to unpack us - kitchen first. By the end of our first weekend we were seventy-five percent unpacked. We were so far ahead of schedule that I was able to have my Army Reserve boss over for dinner that Sunday night when she flew into town.

The past ten days seem to have flown by. The weather has been the biggest contributor to the passage of time; it's only been cloudy one day and the temperatures have climbed as high as 65* here. In other words, we're not trapped inside to avoid single digit weather like we would back in New York.

I've spent some time driving around and the area reminds me of the northern part of Orange County out near Montgomery, or even Andy's in Wallkill. There are horse farms and rural areas that dominate the landscape here. And while the area is generally flat as compared to where I grew up or where we left, there is still a certain hominess to Willow Spring, NC. And, within twenty minutes I can be in the city of Raleigh.

I drove to Raleigh yesterday. Driving is going to be my undoing. North Carolina drivers, worse than New Jersey drivers, will be the bane of my existence here. As we explore the capitol I worry that my expletive vocabulary will increase.

Through all of this TJ has been a Rock Star. He very easily made the transition from one home to the other, he easily transitioned into day care with other kids, and he has been as sweet and carefree as he ever was. He misses Samantha, as we all do. I find myself paying extra attention to her room so that she'll be happy with it when she comes down. The house is still a little empty without her here. Of course getting the news that Samantha made the Honor Roll at her school was a big, big deal. We were pleasantly surprised because we just didn't think to push her towards a defined goal like getting on ther honor roll - she just did it.

We hung the last of the pictures that we wanted to hang today. Until we find a place to buy and call home for the next ten years (plus) we are as settled as we going to get. We're content. Sinatra is singing, "New York, New York" in the back ground.

Saying Good-Bye

My house. Our home. With tears Lisa and I said good-bye to the house.

That little house was good to me for ten years. I have only live in my parents home longer. I never expected to stay there as long as I did. It was a fluke to rent it for as cheap as I did, and then a few years later, buy it for a steal.

Over the years the house began to fit like an old, worn sweatshirt; not the classiest piece of item but certainly something you felt comfortable in. In that house I got divorced and pulled my life back together. I watched Samantha go from two year old in potty training to a beautiful young woman. I brought Lisa to our first home together, and two years later, our son to his first home. Over the years we brought the house into the present by gutting the kitchen and starting from the studs out, redoing the bathroom, painting, and adding a ceiling fan here or a new light fixture there.

I know it's silly to think that house even cares. After all, it's just an inanimate object that demands time, resources, and work to keep up. But, still, I'll miss the creaking of the floors and the big red maple that sheds it's leaves late every year. I'll miss the low beams in the basement that always made walk with my head titled to one side. I'll miss the mural on Sam's wall and tinkering with some project around the house in my free time. I felt a relationship with that little old house. Does that make sense?

We're on the road to North Carolina. The snow is behind us, although for fun, I let the snow pile on the roof of the Rav4 to see how much I could bring down south. Leaving the house was the last paragraph in a chapter that I'm proud of and I'm looking forward to the next part of the story.

Let the Pictures Tell the Story

Here are some highlights from the holiday!

After an ill fated trip to Greek Peak ski resort, we returned to Cortland to go ice skating. Lisa and Sam are actually holding each other up.











Christmas Eve, Samantha, TJ, mommy and I set out cookies and milk for Santa Claus!








Lisa and I take advantage of the fact that Sam is now old enough to babysit and went out to Hairy Tony's for a couple of drinks before the New Year!

I Love NY

Welcome to 2010.

After 42 years of living in New York I am pulling up the tent poles and moving to North Carolina. Everything about the move is good; good for my wife, good for me, and good for our future. I have very few regrets about going there.

However... I am a New Yorker. I grew up in the Hudson Valley. I visited NYC enough times to know my way around without a map. I went to school in the SUNY system and had my first career as a New York State Trooper in the Leatherstocking region. I've been to places in between Long Island, Niagara Falls, and as far north as Malone, NY (where you can see the aurora borealis). I've been to Cooperstown, the highest falls this side of the Mississippi, and Ground Zero. I've seen four seasons for all of my life.

And now everything I own is in boxes. I (we) have purged our excess. We are down to eating off of paper plates. I truly feel on the verge of the next step/chapter in life.

I can't say that I'll ever feel the affinity for North Carolina that I do for New York. As my friend Christine said, "I'll always be a New Yorker." Even though she hasn't lived here in twenty years.

I will enjoy North Carolina. I know I will. As the snow piles up outside right now, and the temps are in the single digits, I know there is at least one thing I will NOT miss here.

Out with the Old, In with the New

Let's just say that 2009 was a difficult year. I am not too sad to see it go. Rich was in Iraq for 3/4s of the year. Which left me home as the "single parent" for the majority of the year too. Life is not as fun with your partner and best friend so far away. 2009 was the year that we lost Rebecca and then two weeks after returning to work from that sad space and time, I learned that I was being laid off from my job. Really? It just seemed like all of the hardships kept piling up. And while all of this was not fun to go through, I know that hardships build character, strength, and resiliency. So, I think I have built up my bank account on these things for the next decade!

Of course 2009 was not without its joys. Rich came home! How wonderful it was to see TJ and Daddy reunited again. To hear TJ say every morning when he woke up "Daddy Home". To listen to the wild laughter of father and son play chase and hide-and-go-seek throughout the house. We had an excellent Disney Cruise Vacation, a fun Halloween party, and one last Christmas at our house on 37 Miller Street.

So today, we usher in 2010. And with that comes all the hopes and anticipations of making this a great year. . .one that will make up for all of the "hell" of this past year. 2o1o is full of new beginnings for the Brown Family. After seven months of being laid off, I can happily report that I am going back to work. . . and not only back to work. . .but back to work for a place that I always wanted to return: Camp Seafarer and Camp Sea Gull. My decision to go into alumni affairs and development work at Cornell, while in the short run got me laid off, in the long run led me to an opportunity to raise money for camp.

Of course working with the YMCA and with camp also means that we are moving to North Carolina. As I write this entry, boxes can be seen all over our house. The movers come on Monday. . .three days away. We are going to miss this house. It has been good to us.

So 2010 has much in store for us. Its a time to start a new chapter of our lives as individuals and as a family. We are both scared and excited. Hopeful and fearful. I know we can take on any challenge that comes our way. 2009 has taught me that.