Found

There are reasons why "guys" don't like to write about there feelings. It's not because they aren't good at it. It's because men are usually so closed off from those emotions that when they tap into them it A-L-L comes gushing out; and that's when it can sound silly.

Nonetheless.

I have spent most of the day in teary awe of the end of the show, LOST. Even if you don't know what the show is about you can appreciate the deep meaning behind an long arcing, existential show that in the end leaves us, the audience, to discover that our cast has died. However, not died in a mournful way. No, they roam life (such as it is) in purgatory until they find one another, and in finding one another remember their friends, their loved ones, their family. And once the group is reunited in a "place they built to find one another," they move on into a bright white light. Not mournful at all - beautiful.

I was (and still am) shaken to my core. Yes, this is death and this is heaven. When you die you are eventually reunited with the ones you love and shared life with. They wait for you and welcome you with open arms. Yes, of course.

My core is not shaken over the show, although it was emotional to see characters - once dead - back with their friends. (Although, yes, it was a head trippy television event that will not be repeated for years to come.) Those are emotions that I can get over or dismiss in the machismo of stoic behavior.

No, I broke down today in the thought that in the end I will be reunited Samantha, TJ, mom, and dad; that I will get to see old friends again and that I will remember them.

Lisa. I used to think that my death would be a lonely one. I used to think that whatever was on the other side wouldn't be able to offer my much more than my children and my parents until Lisa came into my life. Lisa saved my soul as much as she saved my existence on this earth. She gave me another chance at love and enabled me to find my honor and forgive myself of my sins. Only her love could do that. And I am forever indebted.

I think I have lost sight of how amazing that love is in the middle of new jobs, a move, building a house, career progression, the end of a tour in Iraq; and maybe I took it all for granted. That is until last night and the thought of ever losing her in this life only to find her again in the next one, or going ahead of her knowing how sad she'd be until we met again.

Just like that - crash - the emotional flood gate opened.

I love my wife. If you ever see her, you can tell I said so.

I was lost until she found me.