Life In The Middle

I helped lay my mom to rest on Monday.

I turned 40 today.

I will be a dad (again) in a month.

I don't doubt my strength to confront all of these challenges. The tragic and the milestone and the wondrous. Having Lisa by my side helps. Yet, there it is, all of it. I am numb as I try to "process" and yet I am fully aware that my son is due within weeks.

I am trapped between two sets of emotions - one of complete grief and loss. The other is of joy and life-to-be. Being trapped I am standing on the line, unwilling, unable to move too far in either direction in fear of betraying the other. Standing on this line I am aware of my own mortality now that I am 25 years from the age when mom died and 33 years from the age when dad died. Between the loss of my mother and the birth of my son.