Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

It has been four years since I have seen my brother and about three years since we have spoken. His personal, downward spiral in his married life was juxtaposed against starting over in a new career that is both challenging and rewarding.  Despite numerous attempts to get him to come visit during his years of upheaval and starting over, it wasn't until now that he was able to show up on our doorstep.

My brother is, for lack of a clinical term, emotionally constipated. He is too guarded to admit his pain and struggle and let down the walls for me to get close.  We told some stories about growing up in Monroe, NY and the adventures we got into but it never went much farther than that.  He told us a lot of stories about his new job but he never asked much about us.  

Over the course of six days we treated him like he was on vacation and/or part of the family. We dragged him hiking up to Pilot Mountain and Mt. Airy. We made him watch a Star Wars movie, Rogue One - the best of any movie put out under the Star Wars name in years.  He toured UNC with Samantha, even visiting the "Old Well" - which was a first for me too.  He even sat through the Disney+ presentation of "Hamilton", which my daughter thinks is some kind of torture we visit on our guests.  Through it all he endured, never being negative or poo-pooing what we were doing.  At least he was a good sport.

Andy has never been one to compliment me in anything I have done in life. Not when I started over and met Lisa, not when I was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel or Colonel, or even when I ran the Dopey Challenge or NYC Marathon.  However, during this visit I did find his weakness; food.  On Sunday we smoked a 13lb pork butt in the smoker and did ribs on Tuesday. Evidently, a grunted, "Mmphff," with a mouth full of pulled pork is high praise.  

And yes, in telling the stories of our growing up, he confirmed for my children that Andy and I were far bigger hell raisers than my three ever were.  He confirmed that we once raked the leaves into a pile and then jumped off the roof into them...and when that got dull, we set the leaves on fire and jumped from the roof into the smoke and flames. He told with flourish how we and our friends had dart fights in the basement...hiding behind furniture and zipping real darts at the other team.  Bike jumps, skateboards, BB gun fights; Grant would remark incredulously after each story, "how are you even alive right now!?"  

Thanksgiving 2020 in the midst of a pandemic was great. Lisa, TJ and I completed the 8th Annual Hobble Gobble with some friends and then went home to prepare dinner.  Everyone pitched in; we made two turkeys, one traditional that Lisa rocked on and one in the smoker that TJ liked.  Sam made a pie and Brussel sprouts. Andy made mashed potatoes. Betty provided some cheese and crackers and wine. Grant helped Lisa make chocolate chip cookie pie.  Everything was on the table by 3:00 so Andy could be on the road by 4:00 for work.

I am sure he had a good time. We certainly tried. We "wetted" the new bar I made with him in mind. We tossed the football, if only to remind him my kids have terrible hand-eye coordination. We watched a lot of Disney+. I know he appreciated being around his family in the midst of his life and the pandemic.