Change Happens

This journal is for our family and friends and I hope that some day, years from now, it will make for good reading for Samantha, TJ, Grant and their children.  We have written about a lot of the good.  This is not one of those posts. Within the past year the extended Brown family has gone through some significant changes. 

It started last fall when I learned that my brother had walked out on his family. He was lured by, or simply decided to chase, a younger woman.  Two, actually.  By the time I found out, the facts were months old.  This had been going on for such a long time, Andy's wife had filed for divorce months ago and my brother neglected to tell me.  

I was shocked and felt a deep sense of loss.  Even though I was not close to them, it bothers me because his family was connection to my mom and dad. I was hurt that my brother went through a lot of self inflicted turmoil and never reached out to me, but then, that has always been his way.  I really felt for his family, who felt blown to pieces - and still they do. 

Then, this week we learned that Lisa's sister is getting divorced because her husband is leaving after 25 years of marriage.  Another shock for all of us. Lisa, to her credit, is rallying to her sister's side.

Having been divorced I know the mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical pain that a separation can bring. It takes a long time to get over it.  There is no clarity for weeks and months as you go through it.  For some people it takes years. Divorce is an endurance test of all of those elements; mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical.  There is no fast track, you simply have to go through it to get to the other side. 

I can understand why people divorce early in marriages.  Maybe reality set in after the honeymoon.  Perhaps there was a rush to the altar with the wrong person for the wrong reasons and now the right person has arrived.  Some people just shouldn't be married.  It's good to know that in the first couple of years and get out.  When my first marriage ended after three years I was distraught. Now, looking back, it was one of the best things to happen to me. 

I do not understand divorce after a quarter century of family memories and the investment of time and resources.  I saw it first hand. My parents waited for us kids to move out before they went their separate directions even though we all joked that they stayed at each other's homes when they traveled.  Then they died within months of each other - just to make it weirder.  How can people walk away from all of that - grown children and the hope of grandchildren and retirement to face a whole lot of unknowns?! On the later side of middle age, who wants to start over?! 

The ripples of these events for my brother and Lisa's sister will be felt for a while.  The holidays will be different from now on.  There will be a little less tension in the air.  Lisa's soon-to-be ex brother-in-law isn't welcome in our home (way to go Lisa!) and I will not have Andy's current woman at the house (since he has yet to acknowledge her existence). 

I know that life moves on from tragedy, disappointment, and despair.  That is my hope for our family.