Change Happens

This journal is for our family and friends and I hope that some day, years from now, it will make for good reading for Samantha, TJ, Grant and their children.  We have written about a lot of the good.  This is not one of those posts. Within the past year the extended Brown family has gone through some significant changes. 

It started last fall when I learned that my brother had walked out on his family. He was lured by, or simply decided to chase, a younger woman.  Two, actually.  By the time I found out, the facts were months old.  This had been going on for such a long time, Andy's wife had filed for divorce months ago and my brother neglected to tell me.  

I was shocked and felt a deep sense of loss.  Even though I was not close to them, it bothers me because his family was connection to my mom and dad. I was hurt that my brother went through a lot of self inflicted turmoil and never reached out to me, but then, that has always been his way.  I really felt for his family, who felt blown to pieces - and still they do. 

Then, this week we learned that Lisa's sister is getting divorced because her husband is leaving after 25 years of marriage.  Another shock for all of us. Lisa, to her credit, is rallying to her sister's side.

Having been divorced I know the mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical pain that a separation can bring. It takes a long time to get over it.  There is no clarity for weeks and months as you go through it.  For some people it takes years. Divorce is an endurance test of all of those elements; mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical.  There is no fast track, you simply have to go through it to get to the other side. 

I can understand why people divorce early in marriages.  Maybe reality set in after the honeymoon.  Perhaps there was a rush to the altar with the wrong person for the wrong reasons and now the right person has arrived.  Some people just shouldn't be married.  It's good to know that in the first couple of years and get out.  When my first marriage ended after three years I was distraught. Now, looking back, it was one of the best things to happen to me. 

I do not understand divorce after a quarter century of family memories and the investment of time and resources.  I saw it first hand. My parents waited for us kids to move out before they went their separate directions even though we all joked that they stayed at each other's homes when they traveled.  Then they died within months of each other - just to make it weirder.  How can people walk away from all of that - grown children and the hope of grandchildren and retirement to face a whole lot of unknowns?! On the later side of middle age, who wants to start over?! 

The ripples of these events for my brother and Lisa's sister will be felt for a while.  The holidays will be different from now on.  There will be a little less tension in the air.  Lisa's soon-to-be ex brother-in-law isn't welcome in our home (way to go Lisa!) and I will not have Andy's current woman at the house (since he has yet to acknowledge her existence). 

I know that life moves on from tragedy, disappointment, and despair.  That is my hope for our family.

Grant's Awesome Weekend

I reluctantly joined another Tribe of Y-Guides with Grant last fall.  I use the word reluctant because, while I like 7 and 8 year olds in ones and twos, I despise them in groups.  They are like pack animals from Lord of the Flies, screaming, pushing, crying, poking, prodding, and screaming even more. 

Yet, here I am, a proud member of the Saber Tooth Storm Troopers [pew] [pew] [pew].  A collection of eight dads and their sons who cheerfully survived a weekend with the boys at Camp Sea Gull.

The fact that Spring Outing is at Camp Sea Gull is a huge plus because Grant knows his way around there.  We - and all the other dad's in STST - brought their bikes to get around because walking everywhere can be tiring.  

Our ride down was fun.  Grant got to leave school a little early and we hit the road by 2pm.  We stopped off the Neuse Sports Shoppe for our cabin assignment and a patch.  We pulled into to camp around 5pm and were the first ones from our tribe there. First ones there gets the best pick of bunk beds!

After unpacking and waiting for a few more STSTs to arrive, we hit the Zip Line which was pleasantly not frigid when we hit the water.  We cooked out - even though no one remembered to bring BBQ utensils - and dined on burgers, hot dogs, and junk food.  At 8pm we went to the ice cream social and proved my statement that seven years olds can be incredibly loud and annoying.  And even though we let the kids run around afterwards and built a campfire, it still took them forever to settle down and go to bed.  

Saturday morning was warm and bright as the early birds hit the coffee and hot chocolate stand at 6:30.  Grant is a champ; up early, ready to go, we walked down to the pier and talked about whatever popped into his head.  By 8am everyone was gathered around the mess hall waiting for the flag raising ceremony and breakfast.  Thanks to a couple of connections out tribe was given the honor of raising the flag for the weekend - something none of the other dads or I have gotten to do in previous Outings.  Grant raised the national colors! 


It is truly amazing what you can fit into a day.  In one day we shot BB guns, bow and arrows, launched bottle rockets, went down the water slide, found the hidden gnomes, rode bike, fished, and hunted sharks teeth.  Most of this was before lunch.  The world of a First Grader is like an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - you have to bounce from one thing to the next thing to the next.  A First Grader says that the next activity you must do is find sharks teeth but then ends up playing tennis.  

The evening consisted of family style dinner, a ghost story, and fireworks down by the river.  While the dads were getting into the "is it bed time yet?" mode, the kids were still amped up and stayed that way until 10pm.  

Grant also discovered his first crush in the Grace Francis Longino, the daughter of Leigh and Howard Longino. Leigh being Lisa's boss.  Grace Francis goes by "GF" and so we started to call Grant "GR" and he didn't mind at all. 

Grant is a little hard on the outside but he is really a sweetie.  Each morning he would climb off the top bunk and crawl into my sleeping bag with me for a few minutes of cuddle time.  I even got a few unprompted "I love yous"  This is usually reserved for mom, so I didn't mind the attention at all.

On Sunday, we geared up for the annual 5k race.  This turned out to be a road race and a separate bike race.  Grant was not having the road race but was all in for the bike.  I on the other hand ran the road race and finished in time to do the bike race - so, yes, I did a 10k.  

Packing up was easy.  We just threw all the dirty clothes into the empty cooler, loaded the bikes and hit the road.  Grant stayed up the whole way while other dads posted pictures of their kids fast asleep in the car.  

It is great to see Grant with kids his own age.  He spends more time with his big brother and TJ's friends than other 7 year olds. Grant is a little more worldly than some other First Graders so it is good to see him among his peers.  

That's all - thanks to weather, Camp Sea Gull, the Y-Guides staff, the STST's [pew] [pew] [pew], and Grant Rober...I mean, GR Brown, for a great weekend.