When Its Time

Sometimes weeks go by in what seems like days. Other times, days seems to feel like months.  It is hard to believe that Grandma Betty passed so quickly and yet it seemed like it lasted forever. 

Betty was one of the best people I have known.  Being so close to her these past ten years I looked at her as a wonderful obligation of family.  Whenever she asked for something, I made sure that it was done – quickly.  Whenever I helped her, I thought of my mom and dad and thought this is what is expected of me, if I couldn’t do it for them I would do it for her, and that they were proud of me.  Betty always seems like she was putting me out to change a light bulb, or cut the grass, or take her to a doctor. I always replied that, “this is what family does.” As a family we came together to help her go to the next place.

Betty started to slow down these past few years. Her naps became more frequent, and her energy level was seeming to wane.  She drove a lot less and always in the daylight.  There would be times when she didn’t answer the phone that I would rush over, only to find her outside, puttering in her garden. I know she wanted to live longer. Another five years to be sure.  She had so much left to do. Get her research done for her book. Dig more on obscure family members. And, above all get more organized! She was able to go to her nieces wedding in March and see her sister and the rest of the family.

In May she hurt her back. In June she was getting physical therapy but wasn’t getting much relief.  She was so uncomfortable that she decided not to travel to Nashville, TN, for Samantha’s wedding. Her discomfort led to being unable to walk without pain so Lisa cut her trip to Tennessee short and returned to take her mom to the hospital. Time began to slow down.

We all maintained a positive outlook during that first visit. Betty was certain she would recover from her back and this new infection in her blood.  We began to look at rehabilitation facilities where she could get her mobility back. Lisa focused on her mom and her care.  Only one doctor called it. He told us we should start looking for hospice because Betty lacked the strength to beat this infection.  We persevered and went to rehab but it only lasted a few days before we were back in the hospital.  Every time we took one step forward we seemed to take two steps backward. That makes time pass even slower.

During that second visit the doctor told Betty directly that the hospital had done all it can for her and that she was dying. She took the news bravely and with her usual stoicism. We began to look for inpatient hospice since she was unable to move on her own.  Lisa managed this with an incredible spirit and bravery. She rose to the occasion and never once let her mother down.  Betty arrived at hospice on Sunday.  Time seemed to almost stop.

I spent the last hours of my parent’s lives at their sides. I sat with Dad and we laughed and talked for a short while before he passed. We held mom’s hand and placed it on Lisa’s six-month pregnant belly and comforted and reassured her that it was okay to let go.  We were determined to be with Betty as she made this transition because it is the last obligation we have as children to our parents.

We took a vigil by her bedside, sometimes spending the night. Linda returned from Missouri. In those last few days Betty’s true spirit shown through. She was happy to see everyone who came to visit. She prayed for the people taking take of her. She prayed for the people who came in to pray for her. She expressed her gratitude to me for being a good son-in-law, especially for taking care of Bobby for ten plus years. She said goodbye to TJ, Grant, Sam, and Genevieve.  There didn’t seem to be any remorse, woe, or worry.  Betty slipped from full consciousness to this place in between. She knew we were with her but couldn’t respond except for maybe a groan or a low moan. Then time stopped.

On a Monday afternoon Linda called from hospice. Betty was gone.  Lisa came home from work and we returned to the facility with to say goodbye to the body, for the spirit had move on. We said a prayer and gathered her belongings and thanked the nurses.  Earlier that day Lisa called in pain because she was frustrated seeing her mom in her state. After we left, time started to move again. 

Over the weekend we had a lovely service at our church. We broadcast pictures of Betty with her children and grandchildren and remarked on life well lived. 

We will miss her. We will miss sharing the boys' accomplishments with her. We will miss her making a Sunday dinner of roast pork or beef, rice, vegetables, and of course, rolls.  We will miss her stories about the Blockus and Grimley families. Some of the stories are embedded in our consciousness - although we might not have all of the details correct. 

She was one of kind.