This Guy

I've Seen Stranger Things

 

I love this guy because he is always has a sense of humor. He knows how to be just-goofy-enough to get the laugh. 

 

TJ is away for the weekend and we are learning just how connected Grant is to big brother.  He has the whole house to himself; the Xbox, the iPad, the remotes and all he wants is for his brother to come home and hang out with him.

So Grant became my buddy, going to Home Depot, going to the pool, and certainly going to Dunkin' for a donut and a photo op.

TJ comes home in four hours...Grant keeps checking the time. 

STOP and NO

Lately we have been reinforcing the words, "Stop" and "No" in the house. Especially when the words come from mommy's lips. It seems strange we have to remind the boys to listen when they are spoken to at times when their behavior requires someone to say "Stop" or "No." You would think that they learned these words a long time ago.

I grew up in a house of two boys.  I was the oldest.  I know how boys can be; loud, rambunctious, and aloof to discipline. I know because Andy and I were loud, rambunctious, and aloof to discipline. In fact, Andy and I swore more, fought more, and listened less than TJ and Grant at their ages. These are facts.

My mom did her best to corral us. I would like to think that once she got a hold of us we generally listened to her. She was not above losing her tempter and not above yelling. We might have even been smacked once or twice. She did not defer to my Dad too often. Dad, bless his heart, was terrible at discipline and could never figure out how to do it with effectiveness. 

That was forty years ago and times were different.  In four decades our collective culture has changed.  First, both parents need to be engaged in raising their kids. Second, kids seem less likely to listen and respect their parents. In our case, especially Mom.  Lisa, to her credit, is a person of near-endless patience. She gives the boys every opportunity for the boys to change course before she gets upset. And what happens when she does lose her cool? The boys - TJ in particular - laughs at her. When that happens I see RED - like a STOP sign.

The reason this bothers me is two-fold. First, Lisa should not have to lose her patience with the boys and she certainly should not be ridiculed by her 12 year old son. Second, if the boys disrespect their mom in this way then how do we get them to respect girls in the next few years as they start dating and the hormones take over? How do you get them to respect when a woman says, "No"?

I used to tickle Samantha when she was a little girl.  She'd laugh and kick and try to get free.  As soon as she said, "STOP!" I stopped what I was doing immediately.  I tried to teach the lesson that "No" means "No" and that she should not settle for anything less.  Teaching boys is the same lesson but from a much different angle. 

As we start talking about this in the larger context of "consent" I know it will be a constant, steady drum beat throughout their adolescence.  The quality of their adult relationships will be impacted on the outcome. 

This is parenting in the 21st century.

The Boys Are Back in Town

After four weeks at Camp Sea Gull, the boys are home! Sun tanned, tired, and a little anxious they greeted us with open arms when we pulled up.  Grant must have parked himself under a pine tree because he came running out of nowhere and leaped into his mom's arms.  TJ did the same.  We actually made it out of camp in an hour! It was so awesome to have the boys back.  Mom asked all of the important questions; favorite meal, best memory, what ranks did they get, how were your poops (TJ), and how was the dance?! 

They actually waited a whole hour before asking for technology! The boy's first phone call was to Samantha. God bless Sam.  She had all of the excitement and camp enthusiasm of the former counselor she was. What I appreciated most was the unprompted, "I love you" that went both ways. For the briefest of moments we were all together - even if on the phone. Lucie, on the other paw, was more happy to see Lisa come back home than the boys. Lucie bee-lined right past them but eventually got her belly rubbed.   

To their credit, both the boys and their counselors had everything packed and ready to go.  Everything fit well into the van for the ride home.  Once we got home, Lisa had me back the van up to the garage where every bag was opened and dumped onto the floor. The back of the van vomited dirty clothes, stinky shoes, musty towels, and - stuff.  Lisa packed as much as she could and lugged it down to the Laundromat for them to clean, fold, and return in less than a day...  Smartest. Move. Ever! It didn't take long for the boys to fall into their routine.  TJ started playing Fortnite and Grant watched Youtube. Grant convinced us to a game of Uno Attack! and after TJ dominated two games in a row it was time for bed.  They were exhausted.  They crashed hard at 9pm, happily sleeping in the same room together, one on the top bunk the other snoozing on the bottom; mom didn't even get chance to cuddle.

BNAWTK

Last year we posted a story right around this time called DWTK - Disney Without The Kids - our weekend get away to Orlando without the boys while they were at camp.  This year we went to Nashville, TN, for the long 4th of July weekend.

I really like Nashville, Tennessee.  I really like it when I can go there with Lisa without the responsibility of keeping the kids engaged/entertained. Nashville is a grown-ups town.  This year's trip without the kids took us to Nashville because Betty had not seen her sister, Janet, in several years.  It just made good sense to have all of us go together so the sisters could catch up on their genealogy and family heirlooms and Lisa and I could go out on the town.

Lisa found us a 5k race in downtown Nashville. On Thursday morning there was every flavor of U.S.A. and Red, White, and Blue in the race from tutus to face paint to socks warming up to run.  Once again, I could not help myself at the start line.  I yelled my line, "Run, run, get some!" and took off at a dash past the bulk of the crowd.   I don't know why, but I feel the need to push myself in these races. I noticed that the race was going down hill for a long, long time. We ran long the famous Music Row where all of the major country music recording offices and studios are and then started the loop back.  What goes down must go back up and the long two mile down hill portion of the race meant that the one mile back to the finish was all up hill!  I strained my hamstring (again) because I pushed hard - hard enough to finish 3rd Place in my age group! Lisa even finished 17th out of 70 in her age group!

We spent a good part of the day walking around Broadway, which was shut down to vehicle traffic for the day. We hit boot shops, hat stores, and souvenir shops while we waited for the midday rain to pass. Who wore it best? Lisa, of course.

That evening we headed to Broadway, home of famous honky-tonk bars like Nudie's, Tootsie's, the Whiskey Bent and other.  Every bar was at least three floors and each floor had it's own band. The windows were open onto the streets and the music poured out on the crowds. I love live music when it is loud and rowdy.  This was sensory overload.  There is so much music that if your don't like the sound of particular band then you just change bars (or floors) like changing the dial on a radio and bam there is a new sound! Some places were packed to the rafters and others only had a few people listening. Lisa and I just floated from one place to another.

The 4th of July ended with us going down to the Cumberland River and watching what is probably the biggest fireworks display in the country. For 30 minutes without pause the sky over Nashville exploded.  They even managed to have fireworks in the water! The noise was deafening and you felt every concussion reverberate in your bones.  It was an amazing experience - one that I would bring the kids to see someday. 

On Saturday we visited Franklin, TN - a small, turn of the 20th century town just south of Nashville.  One of the things I love about these towns is how much they are alike, no matter where you go. Yes, Franklin definitely has a Southern flare and charm - but the architecture and feel of Main Street is the same as Skaneateles, NY, or Asheville, NC, or Morgantown, WV.  Franklin had some great shops - including a spice shop where we bought about $25 in different spices, rubs, and 'toppings'. 

While I like  my live music loud and rowdy, like likes hers "unplugged" and intimate. She got us tickets to The Listening Room, a small venue for up-and-coming artists to play short sets.  Three very talented singer-song writers provided a great evening of love songs, fun songs, and heart break songs. Who knows, maybe Bonner Black, Katie Mae Smith, and AJ Kross will make it big someday and we can say we saw them before they were famous!  This was definitely a good way to end our visit to Nashville's night life.

Our trip was complete with a visit to the Loveless Café and Motel - a Nashville staple for good, home cooked food and laidback atmosphere.  The Loveless Café is a time capsule of memorabilia from a time when people didn't have Hampton Inns, Panera Bread, and Chik-fil-A to go to.  Truly amazing biscuits.

It was good to spend time with Janet and Bob and Betty to got through the family history; family Bibles, furniture, photos - all ties to Lisa's ancestry.  Lisa got a copy from her grandparent's honeymoon trip - with a "sassy" Grandma Grimley waving to the camera. Both sisters are so into genealogy that there are terabytes of data for their children to go through for years. And like those items from decades or centuries ago, this journal helps tell the story of this family in the 21st century.

My travel partner to destinations like Nashville and Orlando is my partner in this wonderful life we share.  I could not have enjoyed this trip without Lisa.