All the 50-Somethings Are Doing It

You're over 50 and at your next visit to the doctor he says it is time for "The Talk".

"It's time for a colonoscopy," he tells you.  He doesn't ask.  In fact his office makes the appointment for you so you can't let it conveniently slip your mind.  And just like that you are on your way.

The process begins by going to the pharmacy and picking up a small box of "bowel prep" medicine meant to clean your insides.  Once you open the box you breathe a sigh of relief that half of the box contains a 16 ounce plastic cup.  The rest of the box holds two 6 ounce bottles. You are oddly relieved that entire box didn't contain "prep" solution.

The good news is that the medicine works pretty effectively. By the time the second bottle does its job you are certain that you are clean. Trust me on this one.  The hardest part of the preparation is not being able to eat from about noon the day before and having to skip the morning cup of coffee the day of.

The day of the procedure is a lot less worrisome than you can imagine.  Within 30 minutes of checking in you are in a gown in a bed going through several dozen medical questions with the nurse.  The doctor comes in and reassures you that preempting colon cancer through early detection is important.  He describes what he will do if polyps are discovered. He gives you percentages and averages in 50-Somethings.  Then he is off to the next patient, repeating the script he has recited thousands of times.   

You anesthesiologist comes in next and describes the sedative that will be used and the after effects. Nothing in his script is any cause for concern either.

The anesthesiologist rolls you into the room. The room is at least 10-15 degrees cooler than the prep room.  They make you lie on your side and you see the banks of monitors and a big clock on the wall. You notice that since you checked in at the front desk only an hour and a half has gone by - with very little anxious waiting in those ninety minutes.  

You hear the doctor over your shoulder in a disembodied voice talking about the procedure.  He checks your name and date of birth one last time. The anesthesiologist tells you he is going to put you out and attaches a big syringe to your IV.  If you think of it, thank everyone in the room because you are never going to see them again.  Watch the second hand on the big clock; 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3...

The next thing you know you wake up in the recovery room.  Be careful what you say next because you are still groggy and the words you first utter may haunt you.  Especially if your beautiful wife is sitting there waiting for you to wake up.  You get to pass gas and then they sit up and give you an icy cold Coke. You glance at the clock on that wall; only 40 minutes have gone by since you tried to count down to zero. Again, a disembodied voice from the doctor tells you that you are clear, no polyps, and that you do not have to come back for another ten years.  

Ten minutes after that they are rolling you out to your car, where your lovely spouse is waiting for you.  Next stop, food and coffee!...and furniture shopping?!  With a good nap in the afternoon you are back to normal by dinner.

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Lisa asked me if I was nervous or anxious and I said, "No."  That is because I knew that the only person in this entire process who was doing the colonoscopy for the first time was me.  I trusted in the doctor, anesthesiologist, and nurses who have done thousands of these procedures in their careers.  I was pretty certain that there would be zero pain (there wasn't), very little discomfort (there was none), and that the idea of someone sticking a flexible camera up your ass is more in the mind than it is at the other end (it is for some people).  I gave myself over to the professionalism of the medical staff much as I do airline pilots, tax preparers, and Jump Masters.   

I cannot stress enough how my colonoscopy was a short, easy, and painless procedure that gives me peace of mind.  Remember, my dad had this cancer. Colon-rectal cancer is the third most commonly diagnosed cancer and the second leading cause of cancer death.  Early detection is critical because the 5-year relative survival rate for Stage 1 and Stage II colon cancer was 90%; the 5-year survival rate for patients diagnosed at Stage III was 70% and Stage IV was 12%.

 So please:

Ignore the anxiety and checked out!