Binge Watching

I haven't been a big television person in years. When I was a kids we lived for the weekend TV shows. The two I remember plopping in front of the TV set for - the ones I really liked - were the Wonderful World of Disney and Emergency!  Most TV that I watched were either cartoons or reruns of The Brady Bunch.  In the '80s there were plenty of shows that I watched that I'd consider stupid now.  Miami Vice comes to mind.  I watched sitcoms and some dramas but I was never dedicated to a series (with the exception of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, and Voyager because I am a geek). 

I can say that the only show I ever watched from start to finish was, Lost. However, I am now on my sixth (seventh?) season of The Walking Dead; but even that is getting a little repetitive. 

We cut our cable years ago and I cannot notice a difference thanks to Netflix, Hulu, and HBO Go.  I don't think I will ever set aside time for watching a show at a specific time and date ever again.  Television has changed forever.  However, the bigger issues is just sitting down without other distractions and actually getting through a show. At home I struggle to get through more than an hour of sitting in front of the screen unless it is movie night or Lisa and I are cuddled in bed - with an iPad. 

So imagine my surprise when I decided to re-watch Game of Thrones.  I borrowed the seasons from the movie library and watched 20 hours of TV in a little over two days.  I am now 7 hours into the next season for a grand total of 27 hours in four days. In all fairness to me, I had the time off, it is in the hundred-teens outside, and the wind is blowing at 21mph.  In other words I had a good reason to stay inside.

GOT is great show, probably one of the greatest ever made insofar as grand sweeping stories, characters to love and hate, and exotic locations. However, watching the shows back to back to back takes away some of the emotional build up that watching over several years can bring. It lacks the social aspect of "water cooler" talk about the last episode and trying to figure out what is going to happen next. As story arcs get picked up every other episode, and thus weeks in real time, these events are only one disc away when you binge watch.

Lisa likes to find a show and watch multiple seasons in a short time.  I just can't do that.  I will finish up all six seasons in the next week and a half and then wait with the rest of the world for the last thirteen episodes over two years.  Ugh - the waiting!

Words of Encouragement

I went on a five-mile run this morning. I discovered that I was running on the same course that was having a mini-triathlon. Bicyclists started to pass me – both ways (it must have been an out-and-back course) – and I found myself cheering them on. “Go!”  “You got this!”  It didn’t matter that I didn’t know any of them. What mattered was a half second human interaction that was meant to uplift someone who might need it.

I remember being amazed last April when I ran a half-marathon at Walt Disney World with the number of people out on the course cheering strangers on at a time in the morning when most human beings are sleeping; cowbells, clapping, cheering – it helped pass the miles. 

Words and tokens of encouragement matter.

As an Army officer, I have received notes of congratulations for promotions and command assignments from General Officers. I have sent those notes myself now that I am at a rank and position where informal praise matters. It is not just a formality or good leadership in action – it is the all-important human dimension of what we do. 

I think the world is better place when we take the time to uplift one another.  It is a part of this family that says more than, "I love you". I am so proud of Samantha for her second semester of a 4.0 GPA. I am amazed by my wife who carries so much on her shoulders while I am away. I remind TJ that watching him run is one of greatest joys in my life.  Then there is Grant who is a math wizard and gets great Report Cards, even in Kindergarten. And of course, Betty, a grandmother-extraordinaire. A well-placed kudo here and there is important.

Whether it is going off the zipline, earning your black swim band, learning how to use sharp tools, or admiring someone’s photography skills – everyone likes a little pep talk or good word. The Brown Family are not the only ones who do this. 

I see this in other people who I respect and care about;  Mel Graf, John DiDonna, and Brittany Haran never hesitate to post words of encouragement, support, thanks or congratulations. It's a sign of class and humanity that we could use more of these days.  

The best part is that encouragement is mutually rewarding. Seeing someone’s reaction when you notice their weight loss, respond to their new job, or life milestone makes the sender feel good too.

Pass it on. We (I) don't do it often enough.

Lisa Becomes a Blogger

This week, I was the guest blogger for Mom's Rising, an organization that takes on "the most critical issues facing women, mothers, and families by educating the public and mobilizing massive grassroots actions." It was for #Military Monday, so naturally I wrote about our family's military life. It follows below:

I am a military spouse. Since my husband, Rich, is in the Army Reserves, the role of military spouse does not occupy a whole lot of my head space—that is until he is deployed. We are in one of those times right now.

The number of Americans currently serving in the military is a small slice of the U.S. population—actually less than 1%. And since an estimated 59% of those serving are married, military spouses are even a smaller portion of the population. As a result, I find myself doing a lot of explaining what my husband does, how his job affects me, and the impact it has on our family.

Unlike active duty, Reserve and National Guard families often do not live anywhere near a major military installation, and with that distance, the vital link of support for us is missing—especially during deployment. True, the Army has really upped its game over the past few years with a multitude of Army Reserves Family Programs as well as 24x7x365 hotline service, Fort Family, which can speak to our unique needs. For these things, I am thankful. But the greatest resource I have are my neighbors, my co-workers, friends, and family. Many of these individuals have little to no context of life as a military spouse, but they are willing to learn, listen, and do what they can to support us while Rich is deployed.

In the last six months I have learned how to ask for help and to rely on “my village” to do things. Things like getting candy at 9:00 pm the Saturday before Easter for the boys’ baskets. Yes, that detail had somehow escaped my mind. Or asking neighborhood dads if they would throw the football around with my son on a Saturday. I had to swallow my pride on this one, because my son says I can’t toss the ball like dad can. And doing the happy dance when a co-worker prepares a dinner for us. My colleagues understand that I just don’t have it in me to make a well balanced meal every night of the week—let alone have the time.

SOTD: Rich: This is how I spend my breakfast, coffee, eggs, and a copy of Stars and Stripes	SOTD (the other half): Lisa: A leisurely breakfast of eggs and bacon while reading the paper? Not in this house.

In the last six months our family has also learned how to better communicate and share aspects of our days. Between Instant Messenger, Facetime, and videos, we appear to be in constant contact across the miles. But it is a different kind of contact—we still feel like we are in our own separate worlds. One of the ways we have learned to close this gap is through Facebook. Rich started a tradition of posting a Selfie of the Day (we call it SOTD) so that we can get a glimpse of a day in the life of a deployed Army officer. My children have loved it and so have our friends and family. Many of his posts reflect his tongue-and-cheek humor and make us all laugh, but most importantly it has humanized his—and our—experience of him being away.

Recently my boys and I have started our own SOTD so that we can show Rich and our friends the other side of the story. Rich may post a picture of his “typical breakfast” of eggs and bacon while enjoying his morning newspaper. That same day, we will share what our morning looks like—and believe me, it is not as leisurely! Through the SOTDs I have discovered a sense of humor I did not know I had. It has also reminded me how important it is to laugh during this tough time for us. Laughter has a way of turning our most trying days around.

My husband is scheduled to return in a few more months. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for us. But while we may have just about made it through my husband’s deployment, there are other soldiers lined up to take his place and other spouses preparing to say good bye. I encourage everyone who reads this blog to get to know a military family that may be in your neighborhood, community, or town. Take time to learn and understand the life this 1% lives. Listen to their story. If you have a little more time to give, go out of your way to do something that gives the military spouse a reprieve from their non-stop life. We may need help with completing home repairs, keeping up on car maintenance, taking children to and from after school activities, handling science fair projects and homework, and even tossing the football. Please accept this invitation to be a part of our village. We need you.

SOTD: Rich: How many people does it take to clean a HVAC system? Five. Three to dismantle the system, one to stand outside the door and watch, and me to let them in and watch my stuff. 5. V. Cinco.	SOTD (the other half): Lisa: How many people does it take to change the upstairs air filter? ONE. But apparently, that person should not be me. We miss you at home, Rich Brown.

You can follow along with our SOTD and family adventures on Instagram @brown_sotd.

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Happy Mother's Day

TJ

Grant

It's hard to believe that the boys are (almost) 10 and 6. 

The other night I was imagining life without the children. Life, if Lisa and I met, as we did in our mid-thirties, and decided that kids were not for us.  I thought about the trips, adventures, and excitement we would have. Paris, Hawaii, concerts, parties; places and experiences that are harder (if not impossible) with kids in tow.  A tiny smile crept across my face.

But it was really just a tangential thought.  I could imagine a life without the boys but I would not want it.  While fleetingly attractive, there is nothing about that life that fits my heart.  My heart belongs to Lisa and the boys and Sam. 

In fact, I knew - very early in our brief courtship - that I would marry Lisa because I knew I wanted to be a dad again. The father to her children. 

Lisa is a great mom.  The boys could not ask for more.  Sam could not ask for a nicer step-mom.  We are all blessed with her in our lives.

Today I honor my partner and best friend on Mother's Day!

That Time I Rebelled (or Hellion in Rebellion)

Oh, to hear about Grant, our angry little red head. He is a self described volcano.  He is pushing every one of Lisa’s buttons while I am away. I know he is scared, mad, and confused about me being away for so long that his acting out is a response. He is deeply sweet and caring but has a tough showing it and chooses easier, angrier responses. It doesn’t make it any easier on Lisa. Grant is the one who is going to try us until the day he is out the door – and maybe even beyond that.    

17, Without a Clue

I wasn’t that much of a wild kid. Yes, there are stories of crazy things but I never did anything (too) illegal or dangerous, and certainly not with malice to hurt someone else. If I needed something I asked my parents and the generally supported it. I really never pushed back hard on them. My brother Andy did.  I generally stayed within the lines of accepted behavior at home and in public.

When I was 17 years old and approaching 18, I had to do what every 18 year old male in the US has to do, register for the draft. It’s a rite of passage and the law.  Because I was a teenager, and therefore smarter than my parents and just about every other adult, I took umbrage that the government could make me sign up to serve in the military without my consent.  Therefore, I announced to my parents – my dad in particular, my dad who was drafted into the tail end of the Korean War, to him I announced that I did not want anything to do with the military and was not going to sign up for the draft.

Pause.  Let the irony of that exchange sink in. 

As I remember it, dad said, with little emotion but very matter of fact, “well, you won’t be living here anymore.”

Our Hellion

My rebellion last as long as it took to realize I did not know what I was doing or talking about. Of course, I registered at the Monroe Post Office even though I knew military service wasn’t for me.

With two boys, I think a lot about them as teen agers and young men. I remember what I was like and I remember what Andy was like. I know there are arguments, fights, and explosions of emotion in the future.  It is part of adolescence and I accept that. I see the rebel in Grant. He is the one who is going to need a different approach than his big brother.  He is the one who will test me and Lisa the most. 

I can't wait to get home.  To him most of all.  First to hug him and love on him. 

Then to kick his little ass. 

Eating the Elephant

A big milestone for me the other day. I completed the first year of my Army War College Distance Education.  I am doing a two year, distance education degree that will give me a Master’s Degree from the Army War College in Carlisle Barracks, PA.

It started off with a lot of anxiety and trepidation.  The urban legend, perpetuated by rumor and the “Colonel Mafia”, is that the program is a time-suck of reading, papers, more reading, assignments that are returned for corrections, and late nights.  I did not know if I was up for the self-driven challenge.

What is the “Colonel Mafia”?  Simple, every level of rank has its own little group who know how things happen, how to make things happen (or not happen), and exert influence over their sphere of influence. “Mafia” is just a culture term we use. The Captains have a mafia.  The Specialists have a mafia. The First Sergeants have a mafia. 

When I started the course work I received the first year’s syllabus; five separate courses running from June to May, with hard dates for papers, forums, and other deliverables. It made my head spin.  A box of books - one of several arrived at the front door. With the love and support of Lisa, I dove in.

Eating an elephant is easy if you only take it one bite at a time.  I tricked myself with little milestones.  When I finished the first course I told myself that I was 20% done [with the first year].  After the second course; 40%, and so on. The other day I celebrated being 100% complete - with the first year of distance learning, or half way done with the program!  Looking back on all of my notes, readings, and papers is like standing on the top of a hill looking back down and realizing how far up you have climbed. 

I suppose the other trick to eating the elephant is pacing yourself.  Time management is key.  Being deployed helped.  It is a hard truth that not having a full-time job and family duties and Reserves makes for a lot of free time to devote to reading and note taking.  I spent many nights in the library here, or sitting on my bed, reading, taking notes, and writing. It was a conscious effort. 

In a couple of weeks I will go to Carlisle Barracks to attend Year One Resident phase; a two week classroom portion of the course that rounds out the entire year.  According to the Colonel Mafia one of the first things they tell you is that if you made it this far, you will make it the rest of the way.

I still need to celebrate...what kind of ice cream goes with pachyderm?