Cutting the Cord

We are cutting our cable.  Off.

Yep.

The cable company has us over the barrell with a bundle of cable, internet, and phone.  Oh, you want HD channels?  That's a premium.  You want a DVR for shows you may or may not watch?  That's a premium too.  The bill is over $200 a month and do you know what? 

THERE'S NOTHING ON TV!

Seriously, $200 plus a month for shows and sports I don't watch.  In fact, none of us watch many shows that are not reruns; Sam watches a lot of Law and Order and other forensic type shows.  Yes, the exceptions are The Walking Dead and Downton Abbey, but we do not watch a lot of current TV. 

So we ditched the house phone - only telemarketers call us anyway.
We cut the cable.
We kept the internet.

We hooked the TV up to a ROKU - a brand name streaming wifi device that gives all of the shows we watch via Netficks, HULU, and 600 other on line services that do not need cable.  Are we on the cutting edge?  Maybe.  Quite possibly cable as we know it is on the way out at other, cheaper services out pace the demand of the instant gratification age.  Think about it, do you still have a rotary phone with a cord in your house?  The technology has moved on.  The younger generations are already ahead of us.  The more and more people I talk to the more and more I hear about people who have been without cable for months or longer - and they are all younger than me.

I have to admit, its scary not to turn on the TV and have to flip through channels or the guide, but then that's a stupid response.  It isn't like we can never go back to cable.  Yes, the next few months might be challenging as we learn a new way of watching TV.  The most important thing I've learned so far is that you have to know what you want to watch.  With 600 on line services you really have to know what it is you are in the mood for.  Its like going out to dinner and having to know what you want before you get there because the menu is so vast you cannot go through it all.

I apologized to my wife for cutting her into March Maddness but she just streamed the game onto her iPad. 

So why do we need cable?

Family Tree Part I

On March 17, I found out that my father's fathers father - my great grandfather, Thomas C. Brown immigrated from Ireland in 1857 at the age of 2.  Happy St. Patrick's Day!

With many thanks to my mother-in-law, Betty, who does genealogy as a hobby, a hobby with a passion; she showed me the US Census from 1920 showing my grandfather living at home with his parents and in 1930, employed as a New York State Trooper and married to my grandmother.  On this document it lists his father's birthplace as Northern Ireland.

In a strange coincidence, every generation of Browns since 1857 has had a Thomas Brown.  Thomas C. Brown had several children, one named Thomas who may have died in World War I and who may have been a twin brother to my grandfather.  Then there is Thomas, my dad; Thomas Andrew, my brother who goes by the name Andy; and then my son, Thomas Jacob, who we call, TJ.  Every generation might have intnetionally used the name within the next generation never realizing that they were extending the use of the name five times.   

For some odd reason, knowing this information about my past and where I come from seems to be very interesting to me right now.  Andy seems interested too, to the point where we are talking about traveling to Ireland if we can pinpoint where the family might be from.

I know that my grandmother was born in the United States to parents who emigrated from Germany - possibly near Garmish, Germany. Mimi, as she was called by the grandchildren, worked as a gift-shop saleslady in 1930 - before she had children.

My mom's family goes way, way back to some of the first families who came to America.  We go even farther back than Cotton Mather (a distant relative) to 1635 when his grandfather and some of the first Puritans came to escape religious persecution. 

With my parents gone, a lot of these chapters of the Family Journal need to be uncovered one document at a time.  I hope to uncover more of this story in the months and years to come.

Anniversary

Standing Over the Tigris River in 2005

Ten years ago today the campaign to remove Saddam Hussein from his regime began in Iraq.

I was just a naive Captain at the time in an Army Reserve Drill Sergeant unit in Ithaca, NY.   The thought of war, for me, was a far off notion.  I used to joke that "the Soviets would need to be landing on the Jersey shore before they mobilized my unit, and even then we might still give them New Jersey."  That's how insignificant my old unit was to a "deployment".

Ten years ago I hadn't even met Lisa yet. 

I can't remember what was going on in my life the night the war began in Iraq.  I am not even sure I watched on TV - although I must have at some point.  I am sure I watched with interested detachment.  Little did I know I would be in some of the same bombed buildings I saw on TV 18 months later.

There are a lot of remembrances today.

The war changed me.  And not for the worse, in my own opinion, sorry to say.  The war changed a lot of people's lives, and many of those lives - unlike me - were changed in horrible ways. 

There is no epiphany all these years later.  If you went to Iraq you have to draw your own conclusion as to what it all meant.  If you had a loved one in Iraq you too have to draw your own conclusions.  For those of us who served and those who loved and supported us Iraq is inextricably part of our past, present, and future.

It is what is it and will forever defy a simple explanation. 

Life Is But A Dream

"The best pace is suicide pace and today is a good day to die." - Anonymous

Bronze Medal Four

Silver Medal Eight

That quote is on our chalkboard wall - left there by Samantha the day before her first rowing regatta in over 16 months.  Sam rows for the Triangle Rowing Club, a group of middle school and high school students from the Raleigh Area.  Rowing is a unique and, dare I say, elite sport that would/could never exist at a public school so the teams exist as clubs.  The regattas are fun, social events, a lot like big picnics.  You don't see your kid race for hours on end and when you do its only for a few minutes.  However, Crew is a sport that gets the attention of colleges and women's rowing is a Title IX sport.  Ca you say, "Scholarship!?"

It's good to see Samantha smiling again.  Rowing gives her immense happiness from the competition and camaraderie and relief from the mundane existence of being a high schooler.  It's great to have her around like minded peers.  I continue to be reminded that Samantha was meant to be on or in the water; sailing, rowing, and swimming have been her favorite sports, with sailing and rowing being two things she excels at.  Against other sailors and rowers Sam might be average but since there are so few excellent rowers and sailors Sam makes average look pretty damn good.

The trip to western South Carolina was a task, not an adventure, but we all survived.   While Sam took the team bus the night before the rest of us did the trip in a day.  We won't do that again without first administering Benedryl for the kids and happy pills for the adults. 

Sam finished third in her four boat and second in her eight boat - more medals to her collection.  I got a medal once.  When I was in my twenties.  For finishing second in a 5k.  Sam's got me beat many times over in rowing medals.

Of course Sam lives for the drama of the "suffering" of crew.  The callouses, the shoulder pain, the shear insanity of "rowing as hard as you can, you-just-don't-understand."  Oh, the humanity!  Sam certainly whips it up to a frenzy.  The week before the regatta Sam couldn't stop talking about it; partly because one of the boys was/is supposed to ask her to the prom.  In the 24 hours since she got home Samantha hasn't stopped talking about each event - almost down to each stroke and has endlessly complained about her soreness and her sun burn...Again - it's great to see her in such high spirits. 

Merrily, merrily, merrily. 

Is It Me?

Grant either does not like Justin Bieber's songs or my singing.  Either way, Grant is a rough critic even at 26 months old.

Grant is not as easy as TJ was as a toddler and his moods are as fiery as his hair.  He's sweet and lovable one minute and a holy terror the next.  As I tell people, when TJ was Grant's age he was a prince.  Grant?  Prince of darkness.  If there is something you do not want him to get into then you better make sure it is hidden, tied down, and behind a locked door.

Especially your vacuum - but that's another story.

But Grant has a great giggle and loves to rough house.  Tossing him on the bed and piggie-back rides illicit cries of, "Gag-in!"  Having these two boys slow close together you can really appreciate that no two children are alike.

Grant is clearly head of TJ in speech, comprehension, and motor skills at the same age.  Without a degree in child psychology I would assume it's because he sees TJ on the scooter, reading, riding bikes, playing games and Grant naturally assumes he can do it too.  Monkey see, monkey do.

We love Grant because he isn't predisposed to either parent's demeanor.  He's too loud to be more Lisa and too adorable to be more me.  He is truly one of a kind...

And a heck of a critic!

Riding to Our Next Milestone

Another big milestone in our lives - TJ is learning to ride his bike!

TJ has been reluctant to try his bike without training wheels for over a year.  I can see it on his face every time he tries and loses his balance.  It's the look of absolute panic of not being in control.  Like his sister, he seems to struggle with balance on the bike.  It took Samantha years to learn to ride a bike and to this day I think she'd rather walk. 

I spent a lot of my pre-teen years on a bike.  I had a metallic brown bike with a banana seat and chopper style handle bars.  My parents got me a white oval plate with a black 7 on it.  Before the first BMX bikes ever hit the street this bike was the coolest thing around.

Jumps, stunts, skids, speed; I lived on that bike as did my friends. We stayed out all day and only came home for dinner when someone's mom would call for dinner.  Literally.  A mom would open the door to that kid's house and yell, "DINNER!" And in anticipation of the next question would also yell, "Now!"

Honestly, TJ is an inside kid.  Anything that has to do with being outside only last for a few minutes before he's tired, or thirsty, or wants to ask mom a question - just to get inside again.  I really hope this is a phase he grows out of soon.  And with the coming of the spring and more kids on the street to play with since last fall I am hoping the phase ends this year.  The only traffic on my street is people who live on it and if he is outside playing until we call him for dinner that would be okay with me.  Less time on the computer and on line and more time outside.

And now he is riding his bike.  It's coming to him much more quickly than in the past.  Yes, he cried when I told him we were taking off the training wheels but he was really proud of himself for not falling and riding as far as he did without me holding on to him!  And praise works.  I tell TJ over and over again how awesome he is for riding his bike.

We need to work on braking and steering.  Those are concepts that he still needs to work on.  So is taking his feet off the pedals when he stops so he can keep up right.  The poor guy forgets that without his training wheels he will fall over unless he puts his feet on the ground.

He's doing better every time he gets on it.  And there's the lesson:

You're going to fall over from time to time.  In fact, sometimes you're going to crash.  However, it's how you pick yourself up and try again that will ultimately measure success.  In life you only get training wheels for so long.

Go TJ.  Go!

Reducing My Social Media Footprint

Facebook.

Twitter.

Instagram.

TripAdvisor.

Yelp.

YouTube.

Blogger.

Our lives are on display on the Internet 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Life on line. Vacations, birth announcements, milestones, family gatherings, good moods, foul moods, break-ups, dinner, hangovers, the list is literally only limited to the activities you can do in one day and post on line. Social Media sites have more members than most countries in the world and the six degrees of separation between people becomes really blurred on a global scale.

As my confidence in using these instant gratification apps decreases, my apprehension in what is on line increases.  Its not so much what is on line; its what's on line and who can see it.  Companies market to me based on the web sites I visit and phishers, scammers, and hackers look to take my information for purposes both criminal and commercial.  

Raising children in this environment is challenging because the technology is so new, and changes/up grades happen so quickly, that people of my generation can barely keep up in order to provide proper parental guidance.  Furthermore, responsible parenting demands that you constantly check up on your kids on line.  Never think for a second that because you tell your kids not to do something on line that they won't just make up some crazy avatar name with you none the wiser.  Our kids live more on line than they do in the present, here and now, and because they don't know where the limits are (because we don't know ourselves) there is a real danger to their safety.  Am I sounding overly cautious?  Am I sounding like an "old fart"?  Maybe.  But I also know I am on to something.

Last Christmas my daughter posted a picture on Twitter that did not belong in the public domain.  While it was adolescent and dumb and ultimately benign, the real message was that photos and other status updates last on line forever .

For-Ev-Er.

I have resolved to reduce my social media footprint.  The other day I checked Facebook and discovered that I had 256 Friends.  Most were people who I connected with in the Facebook boom.  People from high school who I have not seen since graduation from Monroe-Woodbury in 1985.   Some are acquaintances from college.  A lot are former students that I taught.  Most all of them I rarely keep in touch with other than the occasional update comment. 

"Unfriend-ing" people is horrible term for Facebook to use.  Its somewhat cold and very impersonal.  Nonetheless, I have reduced the number to 187 and I am still working at it.  I don't think most people will even realize that we are no longer "Friends".  Some have deleted their own Facebook pages and I never even knew it.  The decision making process for eliminating people from the list is somewhat simple enough; do I have face to face contact with you in 2013, are you family, are you a mentor/mentee, are you otherwise important in my life?  If any of those answers were, Yes, then they stayed on list.

There is more to go, I use other sites for home movies, records of my travel, records of my running. I plan to turn down the amount of those postings, or at least keep mindful of what I am putting out there.

The irony is not lost on me that this blog is another example of my life on line.  The blog is deliberately for friends and family.  I am sure if you are reading this that you are one of those two and not a stranger just passing by.  Its a hard choice to sanitize family events and post them on line or let them remain unfiltered for the world to peruse. 

What a conundrum.  

At least I don't belong to MySpace...

An Open Letter to My Daughter

Samantha,

With full knowledge that I don't know if or when you will read this letter - I send it to you with a heart full of love, sadness, and hope.

I don't remember much about being fifteen years old.  As a sophomore in John S. Burke Catholic High School my days were taken with school work, a season of track, and the high school theater company.  I remember putting on "The Night of January 16th" by Ayn Rand - my debut - and running the mile at a track meet in 5:15 (and still finishing last).  Aside from those few fun memories I was clueless to the world around me.  I didn't know where I fit in, I had no vision of the man I would become, and my world was very limited to the next few days.

Being fifteen today seems so different.  Instant access to the world, social media, and vast knowledge at your fingertips has led - in my opinion - to an overall degradation of morality, judgement, and acceptable behaviors.  The social media scene has not only revealed behaviors that used to be far removed from public knowledge to an exponential growth in those same behaviors for the world to see.  While stunts like the "Milk Gallon Challenge" and the "Cinnamon Challenge" are juvenile acts; fight clubs, sexual encounters, bullying, and causal drug use have become social media subcultures that are gaining popularity. 

As a parent it creates a great level of anxiety.

I realize that I am becoming more and more like my own father, recalcitrant to learning how to make the current technology work for me.  I think I will be miserable in my old age trying to get my imbedded iPhone to synch with my iPaceMaker.   

I miss my little girl.


Too much of your life is online.  And that should scare you.