Christmas 2016

This year Christmas was a bit bittersweet. We had a wonderful Christmas vacation. . . . full of things like taking the boys to see Rouge One-- a Star Wars spin off-- welcoming Sam home, decorating Christmas cookies, going to the Draft Line, and much needed family time. Yet a shadow hung over our heads during our Christmas break. That shadow was Rich's forthcoming deployment. Yes, you got that right. Rich reported for duty in Fort Meade Maryland on December 27. Merry Christmas to us!

What a juxtaposition we were given: anticipating Rich's departure, while also being in the midst of the holiday cheer. We did what we could to stay in the moment and soak up as much "Dad time" as possible. I actually made sure as best we could to keep priorities straight. There was one night that the boys wanted to snuggle with Dad (which is really code for a sock 'em up wrestling match) where Dad said "Not tonight." I had to step in and make Rich reconsider. "You will wrestle with these boys every night from now until the 27th," I said, "this time with you is precious." He got the idea and mayhem soon ensued.

Yet, I will also give credit to Rich for being able to compartmentalize his Colonel role from his Dad role and his husband role. While he packed and made house repair lists for me to tackle while he was away, he also tossed the ball back and forth with TJ, took the training wheels off of Grant's bike in hopes he would advance to two wheel riding (which did not happen), and spend some good hang out time with Sam. Rich and I also were able to go to the symphony for their Christmas music concert. Somehow, he was able to do it all.

Christmas day was a nice celebration. My focus on gifts this year was things that father and son could hold on to during the deployment. TJ and Dad both got T-Shirt quilts made out of Y Guides, Camp, and Army shirts. Things that represent their time together and common interests so they could snuggle up with each other across the miles. Grant and Dad got a picture book, "Daddy and Me." Thanks to Shutterfly, the book was full of pictures of Dad and Grant and special moments that they have shared. Grant's goal is to be able to read the book on his own by the time Dad gets back.

On December 27th we all piled into the van and took Rich up to Fort Meade. Rich would work during the day and then have the late afternoons and evenings with us. For me, those three days were slow and agonizing. I was ready for all of this to be done and for us to stop the anticipation of the departure and get on with the next few months. I am pretty sure that everyone else felt the same way.

We took Rich to the airport on December 30, said our good byes and drove home. No big drama or tears, in some ways TJ and Grant are still too young to internalize all of this. Samantha, on the other hand, cried for all five of us. On our way home we drove through Washington DC. The boys seemed to enjoy seeing the Monuments and Government buildings. I look forward to when they are old enough to spend a week in our Nation's capital.

In the days after we hugged Dad goodbye, we were able to face time with him just about every day. Life seemed normal. We are used to him being away. But soon, as we deal with time differences, I am sure our new normal will be slightly more difficult to adjust to. But I am hopeful that the days will go fast and the preparation we took before Rich's departure will set us all up for success.God will be with us.

Christmas is about family, juxtapositions (who ever heard of a King being born in a stable?), and the message of hope for a world that needs saving. I think Christmas 2016 captured these things for the Brown family quite well. Not the way I would prefer, but the message is loud and clear all the same.

Cookie decoration fun

Ah, the Christmas Tree

Pile-ons can be so much fun!

Just A Moment

We are watching the boys grow up right underneath us.  How is that we just celebrated Grant's sixth birthday when it seems like only yesterday that he was a cute infant and toddler who spit-up all the time?  I came across some lost photos and home videos the other day and found a sweet little video of TJ at 12+/- months "dancing" to bee-bop music. That was almost 8 years ago.

All of these memories are captured on digits or video.

By the way, the discovery the lost pictures was a happy, happy occasion because the hard drive they are stored on had been lost for over a year.  I mean lost to the point where I tore apart the house - and Betty's house - looking for the hard drive. Ten years of holidays, vacations, birthdays, home movies were missing. Finding it lifted my spirit. 

But what about the moments that are not on an iPhone or GoPro?

I realized the other day that you have to savor those moments as they happen.  You cannot remember them all.  I do not remember every at-bat TJ had in T-ball nor do I remember every play Grant made in youth soccer.  While I have a general memory of those "seasons" the specifics are lost to time.

I watched TJ play basketball the other night.  He is a good team player on a solid team but he is lousy with the ball.  The gym was full of the squeaks of basketball shoes, coaches yelling, and referee's whistles. Most parents had their heads in their phones. I took a moment to enjoy the grace in the way TJ runs and the occasional glance in my direction for approval.  I rejoiced in his love of playing and his total disregard for his lack of skill.  He was glorious in being absent of any negativity.  It was enough to fill my heart. That's what I want to remember. Not being able to store it all, I take great comfort in watching it happen before my eyes.

I am presently sitting across from Grant who is proudly showing off his art work from school.  His trip the Outer Banks and the Halloween Party on display. He is happily receiving positive feedback from Mommy - and they are both oblivious to my recording it on the blog. 

These brief moments will be gone from long term memory in a few years. In a few years I wonder if I will even remember writing it, let alone the basketball game or art work. 

I wish I could hold on to these moments forever.

Happy Birthday Grant

Hey "Little Man" - you are not so little anymore.  You turned six years old the other day. For your birthday we got you Pokémon Fathead wall art for your room.  Those bare walls were the perfect color for Pikachu, Bulbasaur, and Charizard.  I have no idea who those characters are - but you liked them!   It dawned on me that you are certainly not a toddler, or a little boy. 

 

No, I see a boy. A boy who is so independent but still needing to climb into bed with mom and dad in the morning to cuddle. A boy who is forming his own opinions, attitudes, and demeanors but still defers to mommy to keep himself in check. A boy who worships his big brother but can do his own thing when big brother is away. 

It is hard to believe how "grown" you are at 6. My children always impress me in one way or another. You impress me with a growing intellect and capacity to see how things work.

I sense greatness in you, Stinker. Greatness I can't even imagine for you.

All of my love.



Thanksgiving 2016 in Pictures

Surprise Visit to Legoland

NYC Skyline in Legos

Project X for the Xth Time

Cimorene (aka Dion Leohard) Gives TJ Fire

Cocktails by the Pool. Where Are the Boys???

Disney Magic...Snow

Bowling Instead of Dr. Strange

TJ on the Straightaway 

Grant Out of the Curve

Andy, Michael, and Me

Muscle Beach

From Sanford, to Cypress Gardens, to Orlando, to Jacksonville Beach we had a great Thanksgiving week trip.  We connected with friends and long lost family. We made turkeys and bookmarks. We strolled, ran, and danced.  We went down three different water slides, jumped in the ocean, and rode rollercoasters without mom and dad. We went to parties (both indoor and outdoor, private and public) and had a great Thanksgiving meal.   

Now into the final stretch before Christmas.  

A Piece of the Past and Saying Good-bye

There are things you remember about your parents house - the house you grew up in.  I remember the tile pattern in the bathroom, the worn spot on the rug, the cabinet sized record player - things that are stored in long term memory and seldom accessed.  Those images are only there because they were imprinted over twenty years of seeing them every day.

One thing I remember is my mom's china cabinet.  It was full of cut glass - very delicate wine glasses and thick vases.  There were a couple of small toys; a cowboy on a horse and a plastic elephant come to mind.

There were also several pieces of silver keepsakes for my brother Andy and me. Silver cups with our names or initials along with the date we were born.  Again, stored in long term memory but rarely accessed.

The other day at Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's house there was a "present" at my spot. In it was my silver baby rattle.  My initials (which you can barely make out in the picture) were in the center. Mary had found it, polished it, and sent it back to it's rightful owner.  While I certainly don't remember it as a baby I do remember looking at in the china cabinet. And now it is in a new china cabinet along with my mementos and keepsakes for my kids to remember one day.

And mentioning mom brings me to this.  Both mom and dad were cremated when they died. I have dad and Andy has mom.  There is no reason for it being this way, it just happened that I was there to collect dad's ashes and Andy was there when mom's ashes were ready.  Dad, by the way, sits in the box we got him in, located on the entertainment center behind the Disney movies. Mom sat in a similar box at Andy's until early this year when they bought an urn for her and transferred her to it.  Well, most of her. Why someone wouldn't make a one-size-fits-all urn is a little mystifying.  So, Andy ended up with "leftovers" of mom from her original box.

This morning, Andy picked me up at my hotel, we drove down to Jacksonville Beach, and walked out on the sand. Andy, always stoic and businesslike, went on and on about the dunes being washed away by Hurricane Matthew.  He differed all duties to me.  With no wind, I waded calf deep into the water and up ended the bag inside the box. Mom instantly spread out in the water and then dispersed among the waves.

There was no fanfare and no emotion - Andy wouldn't have it - and no words other than, "mom would be happy at the beach", "yup" and then talk about the US Navy Thunderbirds.

But, in truth, I felt nothing with or without Andy being there. Mom has been gone almost ten years. Ten years! That hole in my life is still there but it isn't as deep as it was in 2007.  I am sure she would be proud of both of us and pleased with where was spread out. I was happy to see mom off and take care of this one final act of her death but there wasn't much more than that little bit of contentment.

True story.

Ten Years of Blogging

We have been blogging for ten years! 


Lisa and I have posted ever since we found out that she was pregnant with TJ and that we, as "newly weds" would soon become a family. 

There we great times and tragic times in the past decade - and that's what a blog is for - to keep a memory of those events to recall on later.  So instead of hitting all those high points nad low point we will just look at the blog by the numbers:


2 contributors
5 family members
3 different pets
2 states
267 Posts
313 photos (okay, I didn't really count, but go ahead and prove me wrong!)
11,895 Views
7 the least number of Posts in a year (2009)
53 the most Posts in a year (2007)
3 other Blogs linked to ours; Tour of Duty 2004-2005, Tour of Duty 2008-2009, and Blockhead's World

We hope to have another ten years of posts and we hope you have enjoyed reading!

The Curious Tale of Orville and Wilbur

 

In the early days of our marriage, pre-children, Lisa and I would watch TV downstairs at the house on Miller Street in Cortland, New York and go up to bed and snuggle until we drifted off to sleep.  In those days I was fortunate to drift off to sleep quickly.  

One night, as I slipped between consciousness and slumber, for no reason whatsoever, I blurted out,

"Tell Orville and Wilbur I said hello."

Lisa immediately shot up in bed incredulous.  Caught completely off guard by me talking in my sleep, something I have only done a few occasions, Lisa burst out laughing.  The non-sequitur truly came from some other level of consciousness and had nothing anchored in the real world or the days events.  And so it became a term of endearment, "Tell Orville and Wilbur I said hello", would be thrown into a conversation or used for a giggle as we went to bed. 

The other day I finally got to say hello to Orville and Wilbur in Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina, at the monument built for the brother's first successful flight.

An OBX Poem

The instructions were, "Do not get wet."
They would fail, it was a sure bet
They had the beach all to themselves
They were tempted by the foamy swells
Soaked to the bone they did get.

Rising

Here is Samantha, rising from the ashes of her adolescence. A period of turbulence and both internal and external conflict.

This is only a picture of her modeling some jewelry for her mom but the image speaks volumes. There is a calm there and a subtle beauty in her face.  Perhaps she is looking back or downward to a place she was once from.

As soon as I saw it I thought of Ally Sheedy from the movie, The Breakfast Club.

It is nice to see her out of flannel and baseball caps and cut off shorts - armor for teen angst I guess - in favor of a different style.

I love this kid and her uniqueness and I like the new look.

Good Bye BOT

We finally sold our Big Oak Table that followed us from Cortland to Fuquay.


The Big Oak Table (B.O.T. and pronounced BOAT for obvious reasons) was a great idea with poor foresight, and bad execution.


Lisa and I had the B.O.T. made for us in the fall of 2008. It was made by this older gentleman who built hand crafted oak furniture in his shop just north of Syracuse, NY.  We met him - his name escapes me - at a craft fair the year before when we bought an oak side/buffet table.  We loved and thought - "Hey, we have a small family now, but it's going to get bigger. Let's have a B-I-G table so we can have family, friends, and dinner parties!"  We contacted the gentleman and laid our plan.


He build us 72" x 48" solid oak table with two addition 12" inserts for a whopping eight foot table! It was gorgeous construction with exceptional wood grain.

He delivered it to our tiny little house on Miller Street, carefully easing it on it's side through the door, and set it down in our dining room. To which Lisa promptly broke out in tears.

Lisa broke out into tears because A, the thing took up almost all of our dining room space; B, I was about two weeks away from deploying to Iraq; and C, she could not imagine herself sitting at this big, empty table with just herself and a toddler TJ. Literally and figuratively, this thing was a monster.

We lived across the street from a local furniture store. Great guys. They would plow our driveway from time to time in the winter and always gave us refrigerator boxes for TJ to make forts out of.  I ran over to them and told them we had an "emergency".  They quickly assessed the situation and within five minutes the table was out our house and in their warehouse.

And there it stayed for my deployment.

And my home coming.

And the move to Willow Spring, NC.

 

And then it finally made its way to Fuquay Varina, NC...


Where it lasted a year or so in the dining room; still a B.O.T. that really didn't belong.  When the opportunity came to get Betty's dining room set when she moved from Florida to North Carolina the B.O.T. went back in to storage in our garage where it made a very useful place to put boxes for "the next garage sale".


At least two other times I tried to sell the BOT on Craigslist without a single bite.  After our last garage sale (for a while) the table now just took up space in the garage so I gave Craigslist one more try.


I am happy to say that "Lisa-Recently-Moved-From-Chicago" and her daughter are now proud owners of the B.O.T.  And you know what they say, "the two happiest days of a B.O.T. owners life are the day they buy and the day they sell it."

A Letter to My Son, Grant

Grant,

What an amazing couple of days we had at Disney World!

On our very own Father-Son trip we took a train from Cary, NC to Orlando. You were so excited to be on a train. As we pulled out from the station you waved at mommy and TJ and settled in for a thirteen hour journey. Luckily, you fell asleep quickly. Unfortunately, it took me a couple of tries to get comfortable but once I did I actually got a few hours of sleep.

You are different than TJ or Samantha.  What I mean is that you have always had older siblings. Samantha never lived with us when TJ was little. In other words, TJ had a few years by himself. In those years we had some one on one time that you never got. So this week was really our first time alone together. 

You are different once you are apart from your brother and your mom. You are perfectly content with being in your own mind, doing your own thing, but you like to have someone you love nearby. To be honest - your manners are better too.

We arrived at the Polynesian Resort and went right to the pool while they got our room ready. As I predicted, you loved the volcano pool and the water play area. I could not keep up with you! For three hours you swam, slid, and played. It was a perfect way to end a year where you learned to swim, learned to jump and slide, and learned not to be afraid of getting water on your face.  It thrilled me to no end.

When our room was ready they sent the luggage but lost your Stitch pillow! You took it in stride. You didn't cry, or freak out, or have a panic attack like some kids might. You simply let Disney replace it with a new one. Of course, two days later when they found the original Stitch you took both of them home!

I can tell Disney is not as magical for you as for me. That's okay. You seemed less enthralled with the wonder of the Magical Kingdom than the mechanics of it. You were less interested in how the Peter Pan Ride looked than how they got the ships to go up in the air. You spotted Tinker Belle's zipline instantly. That is how your mind works.  For the record; you did not like Space Mountain but loved Splash Mountain - and the fifty foot drop! You liked the Seven Dwarves Mine Train and Mickey's PhilharMagic but did not like the Haunted Mansion or Pirates of the Caribbean (even though you have been on them before).

You wanted to meet Donald Duck and Goofy but didn't want to meet Gaston and were unimpressed by meeting Mickey Mouse - after all it was just a person in a costume.

Our first night we watched the Wishes Fireworks from our room as we FaceTimed with mom and TJ. You seemed more interested in TV than fireworks. On the night we were in the park you were more interested in the projections on the castle than the fireworks show meaning you wanted to know how they did it not what it contained.

Even when you picked out souvenirs you wanted something "mechanical".  Of all of the things there are to buy at Disney World, you chose the .51 cent Press-a-Penny with different images on them. The fact that you could hand crank those big metal gears and turn a round penny into an flat oval - it was an easy way for me to spend $1.82. I hope you keep those pennies forever.  I hope we add more!

Again - you are much more matter of fact and technical than others who suspend belief for "pixie dust". It's a bit of an eye roll for you to pose - again - in front of the castle. I hope you like Disney because I don't think you will ever l-o-v-e Disney. 

Perhaps you are more likely to be an Imagineer instead of a Guest. I hope you always keep Disney in your life in some way. It is a connection with my mom that makes my heart feel good.

We stayed up late to watch one of the last Main Street Electrical Parades in Walt Disney World! We had perfect seats on the corner in Main Street USA. That you thought was pretty cool!

Like your brother, it was important to have some time together. One-on-one time without other distractions. These are things my dad never did. I saw a side of you I think I knew was there but hadn't really embraced. I see the sassy, smart, gifted boy that you are. I know there is greatness in you that we can only begin to imagine. 

It's hard to believe that you are only 5 1/2 years old.

I love you,

Dad

A Letter to My Son, TJ

TJ,


What a great weekend we spent at Camp Rockmont last weekend! I am glad we continued Y-Guides Trailblazers together. It's a great way to spend time together. As you might remember, I am in the middle of "War College" and I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time for the papers I had to write and going camping for a weekend.  As I told your mom last night, I am glad I managed my time and that I have my priorities straight.

The drive up was fun because you don't have a memory of being in the mountains when you were a little boy. You totally freaked out when you saw the mountains.  You thought they were big, dark clouds.  And then, when we got to Black Mountain, you said you felt dizzy from being up so high. <snicker>

Camping was fun - Tent City wasn't that bad. You were a great helper at picking out a spot and getting the tent poles put together. It was good team work. Sleeping in the tent wasn't that bad either!  At least you didn't snore.

Watching you be a kid was a great experience.  it was so funny that you would jump off the 12' diving board but not the 12' jumping platform because it was actually about a foot higher than the board.  As you said, "maybe next year."

But that Gully Washer!  Whew, what a ride. Once you learned to avoid the "scootch of shame" you flew down that hill into the water.  You must have been going about 17mph! And that one time your feet hit and you flipped on your face? - Hysterical!

I liked the Rockmont zip line - starting out of over the trees and into the water.  That zip line was faster than Sea Gull's!  It felt like we were screamin' down the hill.  I can't believe you beat me on the race we had! I definitely got to the water first! you got went farther and got out first! 

Remember the basketball games we played in the gym and in the pool? We won the game in the pool thanks to your three baskets.  You played great against the dads and other kids.  It was great being on the same team. But in dodgeball I'm glad we were on opposite teams so I could get you out TWICE!  Dad gettin' the kid - oh yeah. 

You loved that swim lake!  You spent most of the time there. Maybe next time we can do the blob, .22s, and archery.  I know you didn't do the blob when you said you did.  I know you are scared of it.  That's okay.  But I was disappointed that your lied about doing something when you didn't.  It's okay to be scared.  You were scared on the climbing wall too!  But you made it up almost 20'!  That is about the height of a two story building! 

You are such a wonderful, beautiful, happy boy. I am glad that we had the weekend together. This quality time is important for us and I will try to set aside more of it.  My dad didn't know how to spend time with his boys. It wasn't something he knew how to do. I am trying to not be like him in that regard. 



You make me a better dad.


Love, 
Dad

School Bells Are Ringing

There is a buzz all around Wake county this past week. Can you hear it? Its moms and dads from every neighborhood singing and cheering songs of praise. Why are parents so happy? Cause school is now back in session! The kids are back into a structure. a routine, that allows mom and dad a bit more freedom in managing their own lives, their own jobs. Hot damn and hallelujah! The kids are in school.

TJ is in 4th grade this year. I remember 4th grade as being one of my favorites in elementary school. I had a great teacher, I had some good friends, I even had my first boyfriend. It was really more of a crush-- but we were so silly. Mike Shaw was his name. I remember getting my hair cut and saving a lock of it for him. He once gave me a box of candy. They were jolly ranchers in an old box that checks come in. On the inside bottom of the box he wrote "I love you" so that when I finished the candies, I would see the message. Too cute. I am sure that TJ will do something as equally innocent and crush on a girl too. . .if he has not already (that player).

TJs teacher is Mr. Mangenello. Yep, I said Mr. TJ is so excited to have a boy as a teacher. And he seems so "cool" too. He is about 2-3 years out of college (practically a baby himself), plays Pokemon Go (scored big points with TJ right there), and has three rats that he has trained and are the class pets. I really hope that TJ continues to take a liking to Mr. M. I want a teacher to help TJ discover the joy of reading, the benefits of hard work, and the pride that comes with not giving up. I hope that is not too much to ask, and I'd rather TJ learn that sooner than later.

Grant is all ready to start Kindergarten.

A Little Funk and a Little Rockabilly

What a wild twenty-four hours.

We were invited to go to The Ritz - a night club in Raleigh - with our friends Kristen and Scott. They had free tickets to see an '80's cover band, a '90's cover band, and...wait for it...intermissions played by Biz Markie.  It's okay. I had to look him up too.  He was a one hit wonder in the 1990s but took up DeeJaying and producing since then.

Lisa and I have never been to a "club", a place who's sole purpose is to put on music, serve over priced drinks, and be loud beyond the point of being able to hold a conversation.  It turns out Lisa l-o-v-e-d it. She looked fantastic and got into the sounds, the crowd, and the fun.  I did too - but Lisa owned it. She says it was her first time in 46 years being in a club but you could not tell by looking at her.

The first band was great - anytime you include a horn section it's going to be funky.  The second band needed a lot of help from the singers to their stage presence - meh, they only played for 45 minutes.  Biz Markie - I have to give him props - he killed it.  I really, really like the music he played.  At one point the African American rapper and DJ was playing Lynyrd Skynyrd in front of a mixed Southern audience of white people and black people- the oddity was not lost on me.

Twelve hours later we were headed to the Draft Line Brewery for the first annual Rockabilly Stomp, Pinup Girl Contest, and Antique Car Show.  It was outside. It was hot. It was a little zany. 

We love the Draft Line. Their beer, their owners, their atmosphere are a lot more in line with what I like in a place.  Plus it's kid friendly and dog friendly. 

Plus we were able to bring the boys with us and our friend Brittany and her daughter.

The Pinup Girls looked great - part Betty Paige, part American Graffiti, all sweethearts. 

The music was straight Americana; Elvis, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Stray Cats, Reverend Horton Hear - Nashville, Memphis, and a dash of punk rock. 

The summer is winding down. This was a fun way to exhale before the start of school and the fall.

End of Summer

Summer is coming to an end.  This time next week TJ will be in school and Grant will be waiting to start kindergarten. It has been a good summer for Grant. 

Grant has come so far this year in the pool - a big boost of confidence he just seemed to grow into.

One week he was barely going in the deep part of the pool (where water would be over his head) to jumping in the deep end - usually to attack his big brother. Grant would rarely go down the new slide at the pool and now, well, look at the video!

Also gone is the need for a mask - an insistence that required constant attention because the mask came off, or leaked, or Grant didn't want it that particular moment. Grant did not - and still doesn't to some extent - like water in his face and so a mask was a necessity. Then, one day, it wasn't.  There was no fanfare or announcement - he just stopped needing it.

And at the end of the summer I am a little excited because I will be taking him to Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom in a few weeks. Grant's new found confidence means he can go down the "volcano slide" at Disney's Polynesian Resort pool. 

Eh, What's Up, Doc?

About four weeks ago I hurt my shoulder.  I hurt it doing a combination of things, lifting weights at the gym, standing at Parade Rest (see blog post: I Was Raised By Drill Sergeants), and throwing kids in the community pool.  All of this combined activity pulled or strained something and the pain got so bad that I went to my doctor. (I haven't run in weeks)

In effect, I told my doctor, "This hurts, here. I can't feel here. This bothers me, there." The whole conversation lasted less than two minutes. After a quick physical check he declared that I had a pinched nerve and prescribed medicine and if it didn't work, I might need surgery. Oh, and here's a bottle of pain pills too.

I took the Prednisone which were supposed to reduce the inflammation and had some relief. I took the pain pills and got violently ill to the point I checked into the Emergency Room out of fear I was having a negative reaction to the ingredients. 

After another few days - and against my doctor's advice - I went to a chiropractor who spent as much time listening to me describe my symptoms and how it happened as he did manipulating the shoulder, neck, and back to knead out old scar tissue, loosen the knotted muscle, and adjusted my spine. I traded Tramadol for Advil and ice packs.

I am at the realization that I need a doctor who treats patients as if they are on a production line and dispenses synthetic narcotic pain medicine just because. This isn't the first time I've questioned his methods, attitude, or procedure. So why I am his patient?

Americans have an addiction problem to pain pills. While that is an anecdotal comment I know that it is backed up with research and data.  I do not want to be one those statistics.

Beginner's Luck

I have a new toy: a Nikon D5300 camera. I am excited to say the least to learn a new hobby-- the craft of taking good, "wall-worthy" photos. With anything new I undertake, I have been wishing and researching for a while now. . .almost a year. I've wanted a camera. I have wanted to be that mom that has great shots of her children. I have wanted to be the one to share good pictures with others so that they too can delight in the image.

It really came to a head this summer when Tammi got a new camera for her work at Seafarer as the "Bunk1 Photographer." I saw her go through the process of taking pictures, experimenting, and learning the art of a good photo. I was envious that she was in a job where she took countless of photos every day and had the time to learn. I knew I could do this too. And so I ponied up some cash and got a used camera off of Craig's List.

In my first day of playing with the camera, these are some of the photos I took. I impressed myself

cause, in my mind, these are pretty darn good. And this is the automatic settings, Is it really this easy? Or can I write these pictures up to beginner's luck?

I've bought a couple of books so that I can eventually get off of automatic mode. Aperture, shutter speed, exposure compensation, ISO. I am already so confused. And after just a few days I am discovering that my comfort zone in photography is a little green label marked "auto." Auto knows better than me at this point how to take pictures. But, soon I hope to show Auto a thing or two about taking photos. I will not hang my hat on beginners luck. I don't want to be that mom that has an expensive toy with unrealized potential and joy. I will be a photographer.

Sam's Summer Visit

Samantha turned 19 last week. She is still this ball of anxiety, confusion, and temperament that is working on direction and focus. She is so frustrated with the way she feels you can hear it in her voice. As a parent - especially one four states away - it's just as frustrating for me.  My advice, direction, and opinions are not particularly accepted because she isn't sure what she wants to hear or act upon. Our mutual level of frustration is shared too!

However, the sharp edges that she had at 16, 17, and 18 are wearing down, perhaps as a result of the realization that not everything she thinks the world owes her has paid off. Nor does world work the way she wants because it fits her purpose. Being an under employed, high school graduate self proclaimed pot head who begrudgingly goes to college ain't what it's cracked up to be. Welcome to the world of grown-ups, kiddo.  Sam is finally admitting to her own faults and shortcomings and taking some ownership of the problem. In other words, she is making progress.

When you see your child struggle against all of their talents; intellect, athleticism, and leadership in favor of shortcuts, apathy, and blame it is all you can do to not grab them by the shoulders and scream at them, "YOU. HAVE. POTENTIAL! GO USE IT!".

Ugh.



However... Sam had a great visit despite all of the ambiguity of her future. Superimposed over a visit from the Kirk clan, we were able to celebrate her birthday on her birthday. This is a rarity that has only occurred once before in the last ten years. Most of her other birthdays were celebrated at Camp Seafarer or in New York.  We cooked out with chicken, burgers, bratwurst, hot dogs on the grill and watermelon, corn on the cob, sodas and beer. It was a nice party capped off with a Dairy Queen ice cream cake and watching old family videos from past holidays. I love the old family movies. It is so strange seeing the girls, Kira, Sam, and Grace at the ages that the boys are now.

We got in a short "stay-cation" with a Durham Bulls baseball game - where the opposing pitcher barfed on the mound in the first inning. A visit to the Museum of Life + Science - where we braved gawdawful humidity to watch bears eat watermelon and then run around the tree houses before retreating inside to play with the interactive exhibits. We went to see Suicide Squad - a good (not great) movie - but fun anyway.

And the Olympics!


Congratulations to Sam because she really got into watching the Olympics and got the rest of the family to watch too. She spent the first night watching the opening ceremony from Grandma's house with Mark and Linda while the rest of us (shamefully) didn't. She was great at capturing the human spirit of the game and the personal stories behind the lesser known athletes. One of her best qualities is promoting diversity and social injustice.

It was nice for Betty who had the rare occasion to have all of her children and grandchildren around at one time. Sam is off to new York, Kira is headed to South America for a year of school, and the Kirks won't be back at all this year.

There are big changes ahead for the Brown family. Sam's departure was the beginning. The spaces in the house will change. Sam's room will soon become Grant's room and his room now will become the office for my school and Lisa's photo studio. Oh? You didn't hear about Lisa's new hobby?  

Check back here in a week or so.