In my latest post, I shared some reflections on TJ finishing his first year of college and mentioned a paper he wrote this semester that really stayed with me.
This is that paper.
What started as an English assignment evolved over the course of the semester into a much deeper and more reflective piece. By the end, it had become the equivalent of a final exam—and he absolutely knocked it out of the park.
To Make Her Proud: The Effects of Fears on Kids
There it is, Sunfish Beach, brown and beat down from the countless hot summers that it has gone through with little to no repairs. The American flag blows calmly, an extreme contrast to its usual violent bashing against the mast. Sunlight sparkles off the muddy Neuse River, almost hiding its dullish color. Campers my age, counselors years older, and little kids years younger than I am gather around what feels like a sanctuary. For me though this place reeks of past trauma.
It was the summer of 2022 and my ninth year and final year as a camper at Camp Sea Gull. By the third week of the four-week session, time was running out. If I wanted to accomplish any unfinished goals, I had to act. And one goal stood above the rest, earning my Sunfish Master rank.
My mom is the biggest reason for me wanting to complete this goal I had set upon myself. She grew up at this same camp and later worked on the sailing staff. Sailing, ironically, was the place I disliked most. It was always her goal to have her kids fall in love with the sea just like she did and I, unlike my brother, came up short of that goal. Years before that summer during orientation I was placed on a sailboat with a friend. The counselors expected us to be unnatural and pick up right where we left off the previous summer. Instead, we got tossed and turned by the high winds and big swells that were out on the Neuse that day. After struggling for an eternity I gave up. I wanted nothing to do with Sailing for as long as I was at camp. As years went on I felt as if I failed to make my mom proud, a fear that resigned deep inside of me. Parenting styles and expectations can have a major role in shaping fears in teens, especially when kids feel pressure to meet those expectations (Haghshenas et al.). I set it upon myself that summer to get on a sailboat and get that rank.
At 15 years old, it had felt like a long journey to get over my past trauma. Childhood fears often form through experiences and stick around over time, and even more so when tied to emotions or past failures (Muris et al.). Every step I took in the process of getting my Sunfish Master felt like a weight inside of me was being let go. Throughout the week of training I committed to the process and I felt at ease with my decision. My training partner Mitchell and I would sail together almost every activity period even on the highest of wind days. I forced my fear aside and trusted my training. I adjusted to the wind, balanced against the waves, and felt the boat respond beneath me. Sailing started to feel natural and then, unexpectedly, it turned into something close to enjoyment, like my mom felt when she was my age.
As the week of training came to an end it was time to take the final on-water test. Unlike the previous training sessions before this time I was all by myself. Sailing by myself was a lot different than with Mitchell; I was getting scared again. The fear that I had long ago of sailing was coming back, and not only that, but the fear of disappointing my mom. Fears can return in stressful situations especially when people are put back into the places they connect with negatively (King et al.). I pushed those feelings aside and remembered why I was out there and found the enjoyment I had felt not too long ago. I tightened my grip on the sheet and used the rudder to tack and gybe around the buoys almost perfectly until the counselors came up to my boat to congratulate me. I not only went on a sailboat but I got my Sunfish Master rank which I knew deep down was for my mom and to make her proud.
On closing day I showed my mom my red US Sailing handbook and the certificate tucked inside. She had no idea I had even attempted the rank and when she saw it, her face lit up. Children, in most cases, seek approval from their parents and getting that approval can have a big impact on their confidence and self-worth (Davis). In that moment I understood what the long hours, the fear, and the frustration had been for.
Now that I am older, I have returned to Camp Sea Gull as a sailing counselor. The same beach that once felt like a place of failure has become the place where I build courage in campers. Research shows that summer camps help build confidence, independence, and leadership skills which is what I now try to develop in my campers day in and day out (Benefits of Summer Camps). After earning my Sunfish Master rank, I set a new goal, to help my campers fall in love with sailing just like my mom and I did.
P.S. "I'm not crying, you're crying."
